Sunday, 10 March 2013

Do you believe in BFF's?

In my life, friends' have always played a major role. From the time I was a child, I was always surrounded by hordes of friends and my family had to tolerate them as all my friendships were sacred to me. My post Death of a friendship talks about it. I also got into numerous fights with my older sister, when she called some of them wacky. Such was my devotion to my friends.

The idea of friendship was firmly ingrained in my mind. Being a good friend meant that, I was always there for that person come rain or shine, through thick and thin, day or night and I expected the same in return. There were many books I read and the TV series I saw, such as "Friends" and "Sex and the City" that further influenced my thought process. I was fully convinced that such friendships existed in the read world, where friends called each other at 3 in the morning or rushed to help each other without a second thought.

The Movie Sholay's Jai and Veeru epitomised friendship for me. The eternal bond of camaraderie, which only death can break. I guess you must have got the picture by now. I lived with this concept of friendship for many years, believing in it wholeheartedly and even dragging my better half to help out many of my friends in need.

Lately, I have realised that the concept of BFF is too emotionally draining on me, as there is that constant pressure of "being there" for friends, doubting myself when friends disappear from my life, unnecessary expectations and losing my peace of mind sorting other people's problems. I think when people constantly need their friends to help them sort out their emotional and relationship issues, it is time they took help from a therapist.

I have been thinking of all my friendships for the past few months and have come to realize that the concept, that it is difficult to make friends as we grow older, is utter bull. The concept of old friends are the best friends, which has been fervently preached to us, is misleading and I for one have made many new friends along the way, as I grew older.

Why do we need to cling on to old friendships, even when that person has drifted away from us? Do we keep clinging to old friendships, just because we are loyal, or because we still have fond memories of the time spent together? 

Who said friendships had to be forever?



I made wonderful friends over the years, I have a great blogging friend  Shilpa Garg, and we know each other since past four years. Though I have never met her, I know her well because of her blog. We met each other through a writing competition and are in touch since then. An old NIIT friend, Prachi Pisolkar, who makes it a point to be in touch and inspires me with her encouraging words. My MBA classmates  Neeraj, Pushpak and Mihir, who brought so much laughter in my life, when I needed it. Kavita Tengshe, who introduced me to Yoga and the wonderful benefits of Pranayam. My better half, without whom every step of this journey would have been difficult.

These friendships are without the emotional baggage and each encounter leaves me with a positive attitude. I am revived and happy to face another challenging day, whenever I meet these people.

I have now decided to wipe my slate clean and start afresh. I feel, I am doing injustice to a lot of wonderful people, who spread joy in my life, by clinging on to friendships that have run their course. This does not mean that I will forget old friends, these people came into my life, when I needed them and each one of them have taught me something. I am thankful to my old friends for coming in my life and teaching me to have relationships without expectations.

Do you believe in relationships without expectations?

16 comments:

Rickie said...

Well, I guess when a friendship starts feeling like baggage, it is time to dump it!
I totally agree with you. New friendships can be as deep and as rewarding as old ones.

Lazy Pineapple said...

I agree that we need to keep purging of friendships that tend to drag you down.
Somehow your comment is not appearing here Rickie. I can see it in the blogger dashboard though.

Akanksha Dureja said...

Thought provoking, to say the least.

Rachna Srivastava Parmar said...

It is better to be rid of any relationships that have run their course. It is eventually how you feel with another person that matters. I have some great old friends as well as some wonderful new friends. I have lost some really used-to-be-close ones along the way as well.

Lazy Pineapple said...

Thanks Akanksha..

Lazy Pineapple said...

I agree Rachna..I have been a sentimental fool and kept holding on to some friendships which eventually was bad for me. I decided to take a new approach..

Makk said...

relationships without expectations?



Well, I dont have any other kind in my life I guess.

Corinne Rodrigues said...

I've come to the same conclusion, Vinita. BFF is a myth - I'm not being cynical, just real. Like you said, less pressure.

Shilpa Garg said...

Oh My God! First things first... I am so overwhelmed to see my name here!! :)
The feeling is mutual am so glad that our paths crossed! As for BFF... with the passage of time, have lost some real good old friends, as things were not the same... we grow, we move on. Relationships without expectations are the best... no expectations, no disappointments!

Lazy Pineapple said...

That is great to know and welcome to my blog Makk

Lazy Pineapple said...

Yes it makes sense to be real and till now I had been hanging on to lost friendships in the hope that I could revive them.

Lazy Pineapple said...

I was so fortunate to be a blog friend to you. You learn the hard way that no expectations is the best solution to keeping your mind stress free.

themoonstone.wordpress.com said...

Well, I have had some experiences either ways. More than clinging to a concept of best friends, we need to understand who the person and what the relationship is. Nostalgic relationships or those which have'nt evolved with time always lose out. In the end , whether it is friendship or whether its a spouse, it always means re-inventing oneself. And those which cant bear the burdens of time, its better to let them go.

Namrata Mahalingam said...

I believe in relationships without expectations. My friends list kept growing as I grew and still is. I do not believe in the concept of talking to friends every day and telling them every bit of what happened in your life. I rather value friends who are there when you need them or atleast tell you they can't be for some reasons than the ones who call you everyday and are not there when you need them.

The more you expect, the more you will hurt yourself.

Lazy Pineapple said...

Moonstone: I agree that in any relationship you need to keep reinventing oneself. You have nostalgic relationships because you have spent some precious years with that person building that relationship and sometimes it becomes difficult to let go.

Lazy Pineapple said...

Yes, the more you expect the chances of getting hurt increase. But expecting from people is a very natural reaction which sometimes does not work out the way you want.
I also don't talk to friends everyday or share every bit of my life with them now but since I stayed in a hostel for a few years friends became my family and everyday was spent only in their company.

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