Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Nothing Lasts Forever

I know, I am posting on my blog infrequently these days and my blog readership has plummeted to an all time low. In the past, this would have affected me, but now, I write only when I feel I have something concrete to say or share. I now write to feel fulfilled and express myself and not to increase readership. This perceptible shift in focus has given me the flexibility to write what I want and when I want it.

The year is already half over and though not much has changed outwardly in my life, a major change has happened under the surface. I have written about the changes happening in my life, in my previous posts. Today, as I look at the year that has gone by, I realize that I have grown as a person in leaps and bounds, having learnt from some of the toughest challenges life has thrown at me.

The past month has been especially rewarding since I have now understood the actual meaning of "letting go". In the truest sense, I have let go. I have gone past the hurt, disappointment and anger. I have learnt to forgive. I have forgiven people from my past life for behaving the way they did. I have learnt how to forgive myself for not being stronger and for the mistakes I did. I realized that by forgiving others and myself, I am free to be the person I am supposed be.

This brings me to the title of the post, "Nothing lasts forever". Most people will look at this sentence and feel a sense of sadness for joyful moments that do not last forever. For others like me, it fills them with hope and courage of good things to come, now that the storm has passed. Just like happy moments, bad situations and difficulties do not last forever.

If each one of us looks back, we will realize that good times and bad times are like a wave that come crashing to the shore, but also recede till another comes crashing back. Both these times leave an impact on us and teach us valuable lessons. The bad times especially so.

For me, when I was in the eye of the storm, I was running blindly with my hands outstretched, trying to grasp at bits of happiness. Things around me were murky and I was scared, as I had completely lost my bearings. Instead of trying to struggle through it, I decided to live in the moment and let the wave pass over me. I stopped struggling and tuned into myself and let sadness, grief, anger just pass through me. I acknowledged and accepted these feelings and stopped fighting them. This was a completely new experience and I got tossed around pretty badly. As the storm cleared, I came out of it with a new understanding about myself and what I needed to do. Even though the tail end of the storm still lingers on, I see slivers of sunshine and it gives me hope of good things to come. Some days, I still falter and hopelessness washes over me, but I pick myself up much quickly and look for the silver lining.

I believe, life is an endless cycle of happy and sad moments. If you look closely, you will realize that these are opportunities for us to learn something about ourselves and others. These are opportunities to let go of what is not meant to be and grow wiser. These are opportunities to forgive people who have crossed our paths and caused us pain and to forget that hurt. It is the right time to nurture ourselves, to evolve and walk on the path that feels right for us. It is a golden opportunity to become centered and remind ourselves of what we actually want and what makes us truly happy.  The happy moments let us be childlike and free from negative emotions. These moments bring us closer to our loved ones and motivate us to spread the joy around.

Without these cycles, imagine how boring life would be. There would be no struggles, no disappointments and so no good times too. Life would be just a series of events that don't leave any impact on us.

Next time you are caught in a storm, remember, this too shall pass and you will come out of it stronger than ever. When you are in a happy moment, don't be fearful of it ending, but accept it with open arms and live each moment to make happy memories which will help you come out of your next storm.

Tuesday, 28 April 2015

Waiting to Exhale

These days, my posts are all about the past and looking back, like my last post, Is goodbye just another word? The past few years have been one of change. Good or bad? I don't know that, only time will tell, but yes, things have changed, and my world has altered beyond recognition. The change has happened at break-neck speed and it has left me running hard, literally and figuratively, trying to keep up with the change.

This change threw up surprises and challenges  my way and made me a different person. Now, I welcome new experiences with open arms, as it gives me the opportunity to rediscover myself and my own strengths and vulnerabilities. I am learning to own every moment of this new adventure and experiencing the highs and lows of this new journey.

After an extremely stressful one year, on the personal front, I delved into a 3-day break with close friends and escaped to a place called Tarkarli. A place where the ocean and river unite, where the choppy blue waters are teeming with corals, fish and dolphins and where I could find a piece of myself that I had lost.

Now, I find it ironical, when I hear the words "art imitates life", cause for me, the reverse has come true. The experience of diving in the ocean, and going down 30 feet to touch the corals and fish was a divine and spiritual experience. The complete silence, the serene waters and the feeling of being alive were so intense that it took my breath away. For me, it was a moving experience, which reiterated the fact that life is short, you have to make it count. The thousand tonnes of water pressing down, the vastness of the sea and not knowing how to swim did not scare me. I just knew I had to do it, it was as if an unseen force was pushing me to test myself and have this life changing experience. I now understand what Hrithik Roshan experienced in the movie "Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara" after he experiences diving in the ocean.

The thrill of water sports such as snorkeling and parasailing were an added bonus, to let go and learn to be 'in the moment'. Flying high on the ocean, tied to a speedboat was adrenaline pumping. The holiday made me realise that I was waiting to exhale, exhale out the disappointments, the unfairness of life and the helplessness that I had felt for the past few years. These three days gave me a chance to know myself again and what I can overcome. I learnt that  "Life always offers you a second chance and that is called Tomorrow".

Pighlay neelam sa behta hua yeh samaan
Neeli neeli si khamoshiyaan
Na kahin hai zameen
Na kahin aasmaan
Sarsaraati huyi tehniyaan, pattiyaan
Keh rahi hain ki bas ek tum ho yahaan
Sirf main hoon meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein
Aisi gehraiyaan
Aisi tanhaiyaan
Aur main sirf main
Apne honay pe mujhko yaqeen aa gaya
The moment flows by like molten sapphire
Deep Blue silences
No Earth below
No Sky above
The rustling branches and leaves
Saying that only you are here
Only me
My breath
My heartbeat
Such Depth like this
Such Loneliness like this
And me only me
I now believe, I exist
(Translation courtesy: bollyspice.com)