Wednesday, 12 March 2014

It is not yet goodbye

There have been many times in the past few months, when I had thought of quitting blogging altogether. My last post was nearly 6 months back. Life has been on a tumultuous ride since the past few years and I have been trying to hold on to my sanity, with all my strength. Many times, I did get an itch to write, but it slowly got drowned in the cacophony of stress, anger and disappointments.

Shilpa Garg from "A Rose is a Rose is a Rose" recently showcased my blog on her super successful blog. She wrote sweet and kind words, and I am very thankful to her for sending love and readers my way. Her blog post and the lovely readers were a motivation enough to scratch that WRITING itch. Thanks Shilpa, for prodding me to wake up my blog from its slumber.

My old blog readers have already read about my struggle with infertility and I have openly talked about it in my posts "My experiments with infertility" and "Dealing with infertility" . I wrote of my heartache in this post "A dull ache in my heart" of how I long to be a mother. The point of talking about this right now is that it is exactly one month today, since I have undergone a hysterectomy, to remove my uncooperative uterus and one ovary.

I lost my strength to battle diseases like Adenomyosis and Endometriosis, which had left me crippled physically and mentally, for the past 7 years. I finally gathered my strength to undergo surgery when all other means to get better just did not work anymore. Being in pain everyday not only affected my relationships, it also sapped my confidence and I was always angry with the cards life had dealt me. My quality of life had deteriorated so much that I used to dread house guests, travelling and going out of my house. My bed and my pain medication were my best friends. I avoided social engagements even though I have always loved being around people. Joining a Yoga class was somewhat helpful but did nothing to alleviate the pain.

It has been one month now and I am recuperating and I feel so much better. Even though I am losing hair like a moulting dog, I am not in pain. I might very soon have to go wig hunting, but that hardly matters anymore. Just not having nagging pain in your lower abdomen, legs and back all the time has helped me to be so much more positive about life. Though I get tired easily, I still am in a much better state of mind.

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I am excited about the things I always wanted to pursue and places I wanted to see. I am waiting to get my strength back and am raring to go. The future seems full of possibilities and adventures waiting to unfold. I got a new lease on life and this time, I will live it to the fullest, like I always wanted to.

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Some days are just blah!

It starts with a small itchy sensation in your nose and a scratchy feeling in your throat. You sneeze a few times and blame it on the dust and pollution and carry on with your day. You sniffle a few times and think that it will go away on its own. Such dumb thoughts lull you into a sense of security and you sleep off thinking tomorrow is a new day.

Next day dawns and the scratchy feeling that you happily ignored is making your throat hurt like hell. The only consolation is that you now have a voice that is a cross between a squeak and a roar, which you plan to call husky. Your friends ask you to verify your identity because you sound "kind off weird","like Marlon Brando in Godfather". Any man would have given his left arm for such a compliment, but you just fume. You tell them they are jealous because your voice sounds sexy.

You hear raucous laughter when you say that and even though you angrily want to bang the phone down, you stop yourself. You look at the delicate instrument in your hand and realize that you are still paying off the EMI's for the cell phone in your hand. You use a few cuss words and go to your Yoga class thinking that it will miraculously stop that dreaded itch and turn you into a normal sounding person. Yoginis in the class shower you with all types of home remedies to counter your cough. People who have never smiled at you in class, proffer recipes of concoctions at warp speed. Giving advice is our number one hobby, kya karein, we are like this only. Recipes in hand you march home to kick the cough in its crotch.

By the time you come back, your nose has developed a mind of its own and has started leaking at the rate of 4 droplets per second. Handkerchiefs and you have never had an amicable relationship, considering that you left those suckers at all sorts of places or dropped them unceremoniously from your hand on countless occasions. You run back and forth to the bathroom begging your nose to have mercy on you. In one of the trips a bulb literally lights up in your brain and you remember that pack of tissues that have been languishing at the bottom of your purse from "Baba Adam ka zamana". You tear open the packet and thank "Fresh Ones" for saving you from drowning in your own snot.

Before something else happens, you frantically check your kitchen cupboards for  all the ingredients for the home remedies like  Honey, Turmeric, Black Pepper, Ajwain, Tulsi etc. You have most of the stuff at hand but now realize that because of infomation overload, you have forgotten the exact combinations in which ingredients are to be used. You take a bowl, dump all the ingredients one by one, stir it and gulp all of it together, thinking that some days are just blah!