Thursday, 25 May 2017

Life's Lessons

I have been missing from this space for nearly a year and a half, but hey! what to do, I was out living my life and learning valuable lessons along the way. I thought to share my life's lessons in a series of posts. Here's a list of 22 lessons that I've learnt in my journey from being a married woman to divorced woman, then single and now in a relationship person. Hope these help you look at life differently just as I have been able to.

Don't judge yourself by what you see in the mirror. A mirror is just glass and you are so much more than that. 

Life's lesson 24

Offer what you can.
Show up for people and support them. Love people when they need it, unconditionally and unselfishly.
Even when you think you can't, be kind.
Show up for people.
Because you would want someone one to show up for you when you are hurting.

Life's Lesson 23

When you love someone for exactly who they are
You will find out how quickly they transform
and become the best and truest versions of themselves
For we all are looking to be understood, accepted and loved without bias,
for how we are
There is nothing more empowering than when we feel seen and appreciated
for our own essence

Life's lesson 22

Your dance moves may not be like that of a Bollywood star, still get up and dance with abandon. I promise, making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting alone at a party.

Life's lesson 21

Most people forget who they are and change their behaviour when someone treats them badly. They start behaving exactly like the other person.
Despite how people are, learn to hold your truth and be the unwavering person that you are. Let not someone's views and behaviour muddy your soul. Let not their judgements sully your beauty. It's a matter of changing your perception and you can rise above it all.

Life's lesson 20

Life doesn't come gift wrapped with a beautiful bow on top. There will be things that won't last forever. People will come in your life to help you learn about yourself, to show you who you can be and help you love yourself.
Some will walk a short distance while others will stay longer. Not everyone is going to stay forever. Even after you part, you need to keep walking and thank them for what they have given you.

Life's lesson 19

You don't have control over what others think about you. But you have control over how you decide to internalise their opinions.
The best thing is to leave them to their own judgement. Focus on what you want and if they can't understand it, let them walk away if they choose to.

Life's lesson 18

Being normal is not necessarily a virtue. It means you lack the courage to be different.
You were not born to be normal and mediocre. Stop being lukewarm. Discover your passion and you will breathe fire in everything you do.

Life's lesson 17

Of all the people, you talk the most to yourself than anyone else on this planet.
Remember to be kind and gentle with yourself.

Life's lesson 16

You are in charge of how you want to feel each day. Choose happiness and you will find life to be this beautiful and crazy ride.

Life's lesson 15

I don't care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.

Life's lesson 15

Comparing your life with someone else to see whether your life is perfect is the most foolish thing you can ever do. Perfection is a man-made illusion. We are who we are and our life's journey is unique. It cannot be compared to anyone's life journey.

Life's lesson 14

When it comes to going after what you love, don't let anything stop you. Go for it as if your life depended on it. Only then would you not have any regrets in your life.

Life's lesson 13

Stop complaining about things that are not going fine in your life. Get up and change it in any small way that you can. So many people who slept yesterday, never woke up to see this beautiful day.
Be thankful that you are alive to experience deep feelings of love, sorrow and pain.

Life's lesson 12

Learn to take responsibility for your past and present. Believe me, the future will be taken care of. Owning up to past mistakes and accepting them will set you free. You will be free to choose who you are and can be every day.

Life's Lesson 11

People say life is a test and we are here to pass that test. I think life is just a series of situations where things come together for a time and then fall apart. Then things are together again and then fall apart.
Let the time of falling apart break you. Let the pain be a teacher that is asking you to look inwards. This difficult time will only help you to understand yourself better.
Don't run away and hide under covers. Lean into it, cause your growth will only happen when you lean into it and keep room for the grief, relief, pain and joy.

Life's lesson 10

Painful moments in our life change us. Use this opportunity to become stronger, braver and kinder but don't go and become someone you are not. Cry and scream if you want. Then dust yourself and move on.

Life's lesson 9

Sometimes, losing your cool and going ballistic is important to show ass%&£#@ that you mean business. Keep calm and carry on doesn't cut it out that time.

Life's lesson 8

If someone comes out of the restroom sweating, do not use that restroom.

Life's lesson 7

Some people are ass***** and there is nothing you can do to fix it. All you can do is (punch them in the face) take deep breaths and let karma take over.

Life's lesson 6

Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

Life's lesson 5

Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Nurture friendships.

Life's lesson 4

Use the nice sheets, burn the scented candles, use the pretty crockery. Don't keep it for a special occasion. You are alive and well. It is a special day.

Life's lesson 3

However good or bad a situation, it will change.

Life's lesson 2

Life is not fair. But it is still good.

Life's lesson 1

Thank you for reading!

Sunday, 13 December 2015

Humari Adhuri Kahani

As she clicked one selfie after another, to get the right picture, Sudha realized that the smile that she had bravely plastered in front of the camera was not reaching her eyes. Her eyes still looked sad and forlorn. The lipstick and the jewelry added a bit of color, but her eyes betrayed her sadness.

Last week, she had stood stoically in the courtroom, with her soon to be ex- husband standing next her. As the clerk shuffled the divorce papers, there was a pit in her stomach and her heart was beating erratically. Sudha's hands were numb and the conversation between them was stilted. 

Sudha's gaze moved to the bindi on her forehead as she looked in the cellphone and it took her back to her wedding day. Arun and Sudha had met in Bangalore through common friends. Though they did not know each other earlier, the chance introduction turned into friendship and both were drawn to each other. Their friendship turned to attraction and both soon realized that they were in love. 

Arun was older of two brothers and Sudha was an only child. Arun had lost his father when he was a child and so his maturity is what Sudha found very attractive. She found in him a self made man who could not only give her strength, but also serenity and calmness. Sudha was outgoing and bubbly with a list of friends a mile long. Their friends said that they made a great couple and Sudha believed that with all her heart.

Just like any other newly married couple, they learned what it meant to be married. Financially too they struggled in the beginning, as they had married young and had no savings of their own.The years rolled by and life settled to a routine.

Sudha remembered her wedding day as if it had happened yesterday. Even though 15 years had passed, it was clearly etched in her memory. The rituals, the mangalsutra and the kumkum that decorated her forehead was all so exciting and scary at the same time. She even remembered the way Arun looked that day.
Image courtesy:

Now, that same dot on the forehead was a reminder of what could not be. It reminded Sudha of their failed relationship, the heartache, the pain and the anger. The loss of love and respect, the betrayal of broken vows and the loneliness that the separation had brought along. 

The whole journey from being married to separated and then divorced was just a year and a half long. It felt like a bad dream to Sudha and many times she thought that she will wake up and have a good laugh with Arun about her bizarre dream. On some days, while having dinner alone, Sudha remembered the days when Arun traveled frequently for work. Even when she was separated, she had kept the phone next to her, expecting a call from Arun to say good night, with a promise to talk the next morning.

The breakup of the marriage was a shock for Sudha, as she had believed that their marital issues could be worked around with help and counselling. The determination and the ferocity with which Arun decided to sever the marital ties, without trying to work on the issues was something she had never expected. Friends and family who had known both of them for nearly two decades were equally take aback. They all questioned Arun's faithfulness and hinted at him being involved with someone else, which lead to him taking such a decision. Their strained relationship came to head during a time when Sudha underwent hysterectomy and was still recuperating from the surgery. The life partner whom she had expected to hold her hand in the toughest situation of her life decided to leave her adrift, to gather the shattered pieces of her life all on her own. Family ties got severed, friends she knew for years together stopped communicating with her, and Sudha was left to grapple with the reality of the changed situation. Her family stood by her through the ups and downs, as tried to come to terms with her broken marriage. Many friends became closer and she gained a new understanding of love and friendships.

The speed with which their 17 year old relationship ended, catapulted Sudha into the unknown territory of being on her own, starting a new life and being financially independent. She learnt that life was fragile and people will come into her life to teach her something about the world and its ways. She took all the things life brought to her in a positive light, new friendships, new connections and new experiences, but she still ached for closure.

The answers that she needed, the unspoken words she wanted to say to Arun and the truth that evaded her of why something they built together was wiped off because of his decision. The story of Arun and Sudha will remain incomplete.... and she knows that life is a mystery and that some of her questions will never get answered. Their incomplete story haunts her but has pushed her to move forward, to start building relationships, to start believing in love and to dream again.