Wednesday, 12 August 2015

85 thoughts of a Fat girl when out for a run

Fat girl and running seems to be an oxymoron and there is a possibility that people might read the title of the post again, thinking that I made a typing mistake

A fat person and running seems a combination which is difficult for most people to comprehend. Many look at me with disbelief when I tell them that I have started to run. Some have even passed snide remarks asking me if I even knew what running was and whether new potholes have appeared on the roads where I run.

Well, I being me.. left the haters gaping, when I started participating in marathons and running 5K distances. That was the best retort I could give them.

I started training late last year and have written about it in this post. Now, every time I lace up those shoes, a thrill goes through me and I am waiting for my shoes to eat up the kilometers. I don't run to lose weight, I run for fun and what fun I am having. 

Every runner will know that a myriad of thoughts go through their minds while running long distances. I have my fair share of weird thoughts sometimes bordering on the bizarre. Here's what I think, not decidedly in any particular order.

  1. Good morning..Yayy I am running.. Happy happy.. Joy joy
  2. One step at a time.. Breathe in breathe out.. It's as simple as it looks
  3. Why didn't I start doing this when I was younger?. Duh!!
  4. Hey what's that line from Ice Age.. Oh got it
  5. "My hooves are burning, baby! They are burning! Look at this. I got to tip-toe! I got to tip-toe!"
  6. Whatcha looking at mister.. Never seen a fat girl run? 
  7. Now you've seen it.. You can close your mouth now.
  8. Yeah.. You women.. Stop scanning me from head to toe.. Come and run with me.
  9. Coming through.. Make way people.. 
  10. Stop walking like it's a park.
  11. Dang!  Stepped in poo.. Hope it's just dog poo and not something else.. 
  12. Every where I go the stink will follow.
  13. Is it warm?.. I am feeling hott..Maybe I should just stop, 
  14. Cmon! don't be a sissy, just keep moving those legs.
  15. Whoa! Hot guy..
  16. Hope I don't look as if I am having a stroke..
  17. Yippee another going to smile...definitely smile..
  18. He didn't..I must look like a complete moron.
  19. Hey there are cute..wish I could stop and pet you..
  20. Aww I miss my dog
  21. Hurrah! I see another female gonna wave..and you deserve my brightest smile. 
  22. Yeah! baby..move those legs
  23. Some women really don't know what bra to wear..
  24. Sheesh..are they supposed to look like that?
  25. Need to stop eating sweets..really need to..I will..I have to
  26. I can't breathe..I can't breathe..
  27. I need to lie right now
  28. must be kidding..just feels like 5...
  29. You need to stop f*****g with me..
  30. Why do roads have these climbs? Why? Why? 
  31. Why can't they make them smooth and straight..
  32. Well I am over that climb..this feels easy..just keep breathing..just keep breathing..
  33. Un-clench those shoulders..don't want a shoulder pain..this feels better
  34. Halfway just half remains..this is easy peasy.
  35. I know..your car has a horn..No need to blast it so loudly, 
  36. You in that my dust.
  37. I am sweating like a pig..what a weird phrase? 
  38. Do pigs really sweat? 
  39. Should I Google that when I go home?
  40. Sweat is will glow..let it flow..
  41. Why do sports companies make clothes so small? 
  42. I can never find my's depressing..
  43. Hot guy is back...well do I care..I am on a roll here..
  44. Need to work on those arms..I have that sexy dress to fit into
  45. I hope my maid  will come today..not in a mood to do the dishes.
  46. Why did I ever start running?
  47. I feel I have been running for an eternity..I think I should just give up..
  48. My bum must be jiggling...
  49. That happens after eating too much pizza while watching reruns of "Friends".
  50. Hey look a new restaurant..I need to check it out..
  51. I deserve it..I am working out so hard.
  52. My running group keeps posting so many's inspiring but I also feel a wee bit jealous
  53. Why people keep staring at me when I run?
  54. Do I look weird?
  55. Do I care what they think? 
  56. Hell no...tomorrow I will wear my shortest shorts and run..take that.
  57. Why do people think running is fun?
  58. Why did you think it was fun?
  59. You dumb fell for that
  60. Why do other runner's make it look so easy?
  61. I think my lungs are gonna explode...
  62. I am going to die right here. 
  63. Who will take my body? 
  64. Will it hurt?
  65. I am losing it..
  66. Shoo morbid thoughts..away you go
  67. Need to think of something positive
  68. FOOD
  69. Should I eat a healthy breakfast or...
  70. I think I will check out that restaurant
  71. Why not?
  72. After all I didn't die..need to "live in the moment".
  73. I think I should have been done by now.
  74. Runkeeper woman..why did you stop talking?
  75. oh! I have another Kilometer to go..
  76. Not too tough are in rhythm.
  77. Go baby go..
  78. Hey look that runner waved at me..
  79. I am waving back.
  80. Runner's are cool people.
  81. That makes me cool too..yippee!!
  82. I think I can run a 5K's hardly any distance
  83. Maybe I should just sign up for a run or two..
  84. I am definitely doing that.
  85. I love Running.

Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Nothing Lasts Forever

I know, I am posting on my blog infrequently these days and my blog readership has plummeted to an all time low. In the past, this would have affected me, but now, I write only when I feel I have something concrete to say or share. I now write to feel fulfilled and express myself and not to increase readership. This perceptible shift in focus has given me the flexibility to write what I want and when I want it.

The year is already half over and though not much has changed outwardly in my life, a major change has happened under the surface. I have written about the changes happening in my life, in my previous posts. Today, as I look at the year that has gone by, I realize that I have grown as a person in leaps and bounds, having learnt from some of the toughest challenges life has thrown at me.

The past month has been especially rewarding since I have now understood the actual meaning of "letting go". In the truest sense, I have let go. I have gone past the hurt, disappointment and anger. I have learnt to forgive. I have forgiven people from my past life for behaving the way they did. I have learnt how to forgive myself for not being stronger and for the mistakes I did. I realized that by forgiving others and myself, I am free to be the person I am supposed be.

This brings me to the title of the post, "Nothing lasts forever". Most people will look at this sentence and feel a sense of sadness for joyful moments that do not last forever. For others like me, it fills them with hope and courage of good things to come, now that the storm has passed. Just like happy moments, bad situations and difficulties do not last forever.

If each one of us looks back, we will realize that good times and bad times are like a wave that come crashing to the shore, but also recede till another comes crashing back. Both these times leave an impact on us and teach us valuable lessons. The bad times especially so.

For me, when I was in the eye of the storm, I was running blindly with my hands outstretched, trying to grasp at bits of happiness. Things around me were murky and I was scared, as I had completely lost my bearings. Instead of trying to struggle through it, I decided to live in the moment and let the wave pass over me. I stopped struggling and tuned into myself and let sadness, grief, anger just pass through me. I acknowledged and accepted these feelings and stopped fighting them. This was a completely new experience and I got tossed around pretty badly. As the storm cleared, I came out of it with a new understanding about myself and what I needed to do. Even though the tail end of the storm still lingers on, I see slivers of sunshine and it gives me hope of good things to come. Some days, I still falter and hopelessness washes over me, but I pick myself up much quickly and look for the silver lining.

I believe, life is an endless cycle of happy and sad moments. If you look closely, you will realize that these are opportunities for us to learn something about ourselves and others. These are opportunities to let go of what is not meant to be and grow wiser. These are opportunities to forgive people who have crossed our paths and caused us pain and to forget that hurt. It is the right time to nurture ourselves, to evolve and walk on the path that feels right for us. It is a golden opportunity to become centered and remind ourselves of what we actually want and what makes us truly happy.  The happy moments let us be childlike and free from negative emotions. These moments bring us closer to our loved ones and motivate us to spread the joy around.

Without these cycles, imagine how boring life would be. There would be no struggles, no disappointments and so no good times too. Life would be just a series of events that don't leave any impact on us.

Next time you are caught in a storm, remember, this too shall pass and you will come out of it stronger than ever. When you are in a happy moment, don't be fearful of it ending, but accept it with open arms and live each moment to make happy memories which will help you come out of your next storm.