Monday, 3 May 2010

People say the Darnedest Things

Sometimes normal people like us forget that we can be stupid too and end up saying the most ridiculous things. There is nothing wrong in asking stupid questions but some of them surely crack me up and most times I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from giving a really sarcastic retort. 



Here are some gems I could recall :

1) I am an ex-dog owner and my pooch was a harmless Labrador with a goofy smile on his face. I understand that not everybody is a Dog lover and are scared of dogs but inevitably all will ask me this question 'Does he Bite?'. I just had to keep a straight face and say 'No he is a sweet dog'. Things going around in my brain(TGAIMB) - Yes if you put a penny in his ear and press his nose, he will start biting. He takes pleasure in biting random people everyday and that is why we love him so much.


2) You are fast asleep and some enthusiastic bugger has started his/her day early and wants to spread the cheer around will call you at a really unearthly hour.

B: Hi, Good morning
LP: ummmm
B: What are you doing? Oh, are you still sleeping? 
LP(TGAIMB): No duffer, I am doing cartwheels and feeding my pet bunnies #@@@##$$@@

3)  Some people will never fail to amaze me, they will call you on your landline at home and will ask 'Hey, where are you? You at home?'
LP (TGAIMB) : Arre I am just around the corner from your house, I paid more to get a special landline I can carry it around with me everywhere.

4) After a haircut most people will ask you 'Hey did you have a haircut?', I just don't know how to respond to this...so I say a meek 'Yes' and carry on...but I found a hilarious answer to this 'No....its Autumn and I am shedding' (Thank god for the internet).

5) I am sure most of us are asked this question time and again after the explosion of online chatting. You are online and a friend pings you and asks you 'What are you doing?'

(TGAIMB) Wtf? I  sprouted some an extra pair of hands just now, one pair is washing dishes and the other pair is typing on the keyboard. 





'Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them'.


Thank god for stupid questions, world would be such a boring place otherwise.

32 comments:

Psych Babbler said...

Gotta love sarcasm! I especially liked the 3rd one! People really say that after calling on your landline??! They deserve a sarcastic remark!

magiceye said...

lol! so true!
i remember once in a movie house i met an acquaintance during the interval in the loo and he asks 'hey come for the movie?'
duh no just dropped by to use the washroom!

Anjali said...

I like the landline one the best :)

Now in defense of haircut - sometimes people have just done their hair differently and you are not sure if it is because of a haircut or just the style. So that is a valid question IMHO ;-)

harshavardhini said...

Vins! I can't stop laughing!!! :-)

I have faced such stupid questions too! Like, when u wear a new dress u r asked naya hai? Nahi! Purane bazar se uthaya!

The other one was when one of friends once called me up at 3 am and asked, r u sleeping? I answered, nahi bhajiye tal rahi hoon!!! He never called me up after that! ;-)

RoseBelle said...

Oh I love this post! Thank you for making my day. It's 9:01AM and I just sent off my kids to school. What a laugh I had reading this :) The landline thing happens to me all the time with my sister. She would call my house phone and ask if I'm home. I'll have to recycle your "special landline" excuse to make her feel dumber.

The NRI said...

I live in London and the weather is not always dry and sunny.

My favourite dum remark is entering someone's house or office soaking wet after braving a torrential downpour to be challenged with the question.

"Is it raining outside?"

Just once I decided to answer this stupid inquiry with,

"No, I just went through a car wash and then realised I was not driving"

bollywoodstylediaries said...

lol!! u made me spill my coffee:-)

I had so many people call me at home and ask 'where are u?'!!

The Ketchup Girl said...

heeehawwhaww!! so, u like House?? I LOVE him :D

Lakshmi Rajan said...

ha ha ... that reminds me of a friend who asked me when I sported a shaved head "Had a hair cut? " duh! :P

and ya there might be many incidence where I would have asked some stupid Qs too ... just can't recollect right now .. :)

Chatterbox said...

Fantastic post LP :)
I am so much with you on all of these especially #1 and #3.

The second picture is superb too :)

You are right, sarcasm and silly questions, keep people like us grinning and cursing at the same time ;)

Enjoy!!

Nish said...

1 more to tghe list..

When you reach somebody's place he will say "Are aa gaye aap"...I normaly say "Nahi aayaa..abhi raaaste mei hu " :)

Aditi said...

Vini, Is this your new post...?? geeeeeeeeee khi khi khi..LOL!!

OK OK..cool down... :P

Nice post..

Preeti said...

Lol! That was some nice sarcasm! :D Nice blog! Will lurk around some more!

Lazy Pineapple said...

Psych B: Oh yes..they do that...with the age of mobiles I guess most just ring up and forget that it is the landline they have called :)

Magiceye: haha...you should tell them that the toilets there have gold mirrors which makes you feel like a king :P

Anju: ha...well ok I guess about the haircut...but if the same people meet me everyday then I guess they would know that I took a haircut, right?

Harya: Your comment is funnier than my post :)

Rosebelle: Hey, welcome to my blog...I am glad I made you laugh...ah that is all my charm *wink*

The NRI: heheheh...I am gonna use this too...I hope you haven't copyrighted it :P

Sonali: LOL am glad you had a hearty laugh :)

Lazy Pineapple said...

KG: Lol...no I am not a fan of House but I like Hugh Laurie and the poster was so apt :)

LR: hehe...you shold have congratulated him on his powers of deduction...

CB: About the #1 People always asked me tha question...weird :)

Nish: Oh yes...damn I forgot that gem to add to my list...

Aditi: I am glad you had a good laugh :) thanks..

Preti: Welcome :) thanks dear...

Mr. Stupid said...

Awesome post. This was hilarious.
I would love to have a quick chat with Mr. Bugger. Maybe, we can both start a joint venture and bug my brother in the night...:)
About dogs, I find people asking me the same thing. I always say "NO". And that's the truth. My Dog would care less even if somebody robs my house and pats him on the head while he leaves!

Loved the sarcastic responses. They deserved it...:)

Toodles!

Gyanban said...

heard outside a salon after a haricut -

Q - umm did you have a haircut...?

a - no , it s autumn and i am shedding..

Smita said...

Hey LP What are you doing??

Now don't say u r obv readign my comment! That's such a cliched reply :P

Ana_treek said...

Some ppl like being asked bout their new haircut.. Imagine, if nobody notices your new cut, then u'll feel so bad..but the sleeping thing is true:)

knk said...

thats great post sounds interesting haha

very funny

Aparna said...

That was so funny, specially the autumn and the hair shedding one!!
People invariably ask some dumb questions. Although I get angry, I do not have a quick comeback most times. I think I'll note down a couple of them and learn them by heart :)

Journomuse said...

Sometimes I too am too sarcastic for my own good...but I think dumb questions only irritate me to the core when I'm in a funk..Normally smart-alecs are the ones who I relish...Swatting them into place with a word-swatter is ohhhhhhh-so-therapeutic..:D

Lazy Pineapple said...

Mr. Stupid : Thanks :)
you will not miss a single opportunity to harass your brother...poor chap.

Gyanban: ahh looks like you did not read my post :P I have already mentioned that...

Smita: oye yaar...et tu brutus? tch tch tumse ye umeed nahi thi :)

Ana_treek: Yep, I agree so I do not retort...but I do want to use that shedding dialogue..

Welcome to my blog :)

KNK: Welcome to my blog :) and thanks

Aparna: heheh..you seriously want to use it na...after you have used them do let me know that persons reaction....I am all ears :)

Journomuse: True...putting rude and smartass people is so much more fun :)

Nalini Hebbar said...

really enjoyed the read...I am a great one for these goof ups...I go red as soon as they slip out of my tongue!...in fact even before others realize!
I would say that it is the inability to make 'small talk' that makes one blurt out nonsense ...or maybe one is plain stupid.

Mohan said...

great post! liked some of the narrations you have mentioned ;)

The last pic beats me to the core :D

Lazy Pineapple said...

Nalini: All of us ask some of these stupid questions..and I guess you are right about them being conversation starters.

Mohan: Thanks :) I am glad you liked it..

injaynesworld said...

I LOVE that road sign!

Without sarcasm I'd have nothing to say. ;)

Lincoln said...

'Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them'

SO true ,,,,,

SO whats fuss about pineapple being lazy, R u a pineapple or lazy or both ;) :P

Lazy Pineapple said...

Jayne : Hahha :)

Lincoln: Welcome to my blog :) for that you need to read 'About Me'. Thanks for your comment.

Gursewak(GURU) said...

Lol.....very true ...I can recall friends calling during midnight and asking if i was sleeping....:)

Y Trip said...

While, leaving my house and walking away from the door, my neighbour asked me if I was going outside, to which I HAD to reply.. " No, I'm coming home.. I just like walking backwards"

My favourite is when people ask me (when it is pouring outside) if I got wet.

My mom asked me that once, to which I replied " No, I walked through the drain because I felt like it" I thought that was a smart answer. But my mom was smarter.. she said " You should have stayed there" :)

Rajendra Raikwar said...

great efforts

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