Saturday, 24 April 2010

Sometimes all you can say is, WTF?

Social media like Facbook, orkut and twitter have literally exploded in our faces these days. Friends and relatives are coming out of the woodwork as though, after a long period of hibernation. Everyday I get friend requests from people I have lost contact with for more than a decade. 

The conversations start with excitement as we have so much catching up to do. After the initial furore things cool down once we discover that we are not the same people any more, the ones who bunked classes together, had beers and danced like maniacs to the beat of Hindi movie songs, gave a shoulder to cry to broken hearted classmates as they sighed and yearned for the attractive girls of the class. 

All of us have changed, we have families, jobs and responsibilities. We are no longer the carefree people who thought that the world lay at our feet and we could conquer it all. The bond with classmates though not broken is not what it was earlier, it has weathered as time has elapsed. 

There are some people who still have not realized this and they come barrelling with their questions and their judgemental statements which never fail to royally P*** me off. A couple of conversations with some such specimens and all could say was WTF? 

A classmate from MBA days was on chat a few days back and here is how the conversation was, remember I have not met or spoken to this guy in 13 years and we were not particularly close in college.

CM(classmate): Hi
LP: Hey
CM: how u been? long time...huh?
LP: am fine, yep, a long time...
CM: Do you have a webcam? 
LP: Nope, why? 
CM: Want to see how you look...
LP: Lots of snaps on FB, go check them out, I still look the same...
CM: OK, married?
LP: Yes, happily, 10 years now...
CM: Kids?
LP: No kids.
CM:What are you waiting for....?
LP: What do you mean???  (This was just wtf....did I ask you why you have kids ?)
After this he just stopped chatting abruptly...thank god else he would have hell to pay from me.

Another conversation was with a junior from college. We were good friends in college and have kept in touch on and off over years. As I said earlier, judgemental sentences from anyone, be it relatives or friends have a weird effect on me... I become angry and can become quite rude and abrupt...

Junior: Hey
LP: hey, how u been?
Junior: Fine...how have you been?
LP: Planning to move to India...with recession, things are tough.
Junior: ok, why don't you try coming here...for a job...life is quite good.
LP: Well, I will have to check up with Hubby, I have no idea if he wants to come to that continent.
Junior: Why ask him? You are still the same...you cannot make your own decisions. You should just tell him that you want to go....that's it...
LP: I was too shook up and angry to respond.
After taking a couple of deep breaths I responded
LP: A happy and healthy marriage does not work like this...you won't understand...

He kept on about the same thing...before I could explode, I just logged out making an excuse of a phone call...Next time, he better beware.
I always wonder, is it curiosity or plain stupidity which makes people ask such questions and make such statements?

I have ranted about the same thing in my previous post 'Close to my Heart'. People just forget boundaries and what is considered 'Kosher' when you talk to someone.  Some questions just don't invoke anything else but the feeling 'WTF'?

Do let me know of your 'WTF' stories and we can all write a book on it titled 'Chat Etiquettes for Dummies'.

38 comments:

ViShaL said...

Totally agree with you man....and btw I love the title of your post..its 100 percent true :)

Mohan said...

Ah... reality bites!! Even I wonder at times that some people don't change even after a decade... still the same old, not so mature pep talk thinking they are on top of everything...

Certainly I will contribute my $0.02 through one of my post.. do plan for that book on 'Chat Etiquettes for Dummies' :P

magiceye said...

creeps creep....
the ease of communication brought about by advanced tech has emboldened the worms to creep out..

Darsh said...

Glad to see someone sharing the same situation as I do...
Then again there is another class of people who get really sweet online but blow my head off when they come face-to-face... bizarre!

g2 said...

Seriously WTF???

Still being in the carefree stage in life, I don't have so many people popping up from the past... but for people of my age, the problem for people my age are random people giving unsolicited career advice...

This is how most of my intrusive chats go like

The other guy/girl (TOG): Hi long time...
ME: yeah.. how have you been?
TOG: I'm doing fine, what are you doing?
ME: I'm in the final year now.. studying computer science at IIT Bombay
TOG: cool, so what are your next plans?
ME: I don't know... may be a PHD
TOG: no.. don't do a PHD... write CAT and go to IIM... IIT + IIM has great value... (and this is where your signature WTF comes ;D)

Samadrita said...

Ah it's not only about chat etiquette for I've faced similar situations while having a face-to-face real life conversation.
There's this old school acquaintance of mine who saw a picture of me on FB and asked 'Whoa you've become pretty now..do you have a boyfriend?'
I mean WTF?
Is that the way to talk to a lady?and what do you mean by 'you've become pretty' you dumbass?
This is what I wanted to tell him but I had to keep my cool.
In the end I said 'what does becoming pretty have to do with having a boyfriend'?
Seriously ma'am, some people have no sense whatsoever.
It's just a pity they exist to put us in an awkward position.
Nice post :)

karan a said...

Though I am not in an age where I get into chat the way you narrated. But there lot are of WTF situations when I get unwanted advice and opinions about career.

A typical one...with one of my relative (SA):

SA: Hi Karan, hru?
Me: I am good SA, How are and how are things with you?
SA: Things are fine with me. You still in XYZ company?
Me: Yup, I am in same company.
SA: Kya kar raha hai Karan. You have done MBA from such a good institute. Switch maar. The way I do!
Me: (WTF) Yeah I will do it at right time!

and then abrupt end to the chat...

Nice post!

Rajlakshmi said...

the second one gosh!!!! such audacity... I think they are plain stupid :P

PNA said...

I feel so strange when those who were not too friendly comes up after a long time on these sites and act like we the bestest of the bestest friends! and then slowly n steadily they intrude and judge and all they get is hell

wtf it is pure and clear

cya

The knife said...

I have a basic problem with FB. I see it as a 'social' networking site. And I define 'social' as personal, non - work. Yet have folks from work floating in. And others making a sales pitch. Go to Linkedin for the former. And pay and advertise for the latter.

As far as folks from the posts. At times I can't place people. Or one's lost touch. But there have been times where I have connected much better now than I did in the past.

subu.ps said...

I assume that such situations can more often occur to lady folk than to men folk.
Neverthless a good post which may prevent atleast some WTF situation creators.
During chating you always have time to think before you type something, but at times out of excitement people just ramble something and these somethings can be things which they might not ask if they are in a direct conversation which inturn results in WTF scenarios.

Anjali said...

Yeah I think hiding behind a computer, people toss out the filter between their brain and fingers.
I have ruthlessly started Ignoring "friend" requests from people I knew when I was 6 yrs old and then never talked to ever. If I didn't miss being in touch with you when we lived 10 houses down, what makes you think I would like it now?
Luckily, no true WTF? FB moment comes to mind right now.

Good post :)

Journomuse said...

I know I know I know...I know JUUUUSTTT what you are saying...I could write three chapters for you...on three different stages in my life...but then there are just so many WTF moments that we will seriously need to have a drink to laugh at it...With most of my really old friends on FB, i go into nirvana mode...while many others only get to see my limited profile...End of story...:)

Sharmila Ganguly said...

Hilarious...completely agree. If one adds a separation to the social networking the results are even more hilarious!!

btw...nice title:)

Nalini Hebbar said...

Sad isn't it that friends from the past are never your present friends...a lot of people seem to maintain a lot of friends, I wonder how they do it!...with work and home, there seems to be no time left after the relatives are catered to, the monthly family dinners, dining out...in fact getting together as family for the four of us is almost a difficult ask sometimes!

injaynesworld said...

You're not safe anywhere anymore. I stopped going to high school reunions because there was nobody I gave a damn about seeing. Now they're coming out of the woodwork like damn cockroaches. Why would they think we'd like each other any better now than we did then? WTF?

avdi said...

I heard this line in a movie, after a while even friends become as annoying as relatives.

Mr. Stupid said...

When friends evolved into Weirdos. Its sad to see how they no longer are those best pals.
My friends are already weirdos. I wonder what's going to happen to them in the next decade. Any guesses?

Happy Sunday...:)

Lakshmi Rajan said...

Somepeople never realize what they say or type... LOL I have quiet many instances to add in the book we could compile :D

Sample this: When i decided on a complete shift in my career, one of my friend (not even the so called chaddi frens) who popped up all of a sudden has this to say: You should have asked me before you took the decission! :O

Nish said...

I think its more to do wuith teh preachin problem most of us have..our life might be sucking but why should that stop me from preaching and guiding others <--This is the thought of 90percent people around

JoBo said...

Nice read.

What does the "W" stand for - "Why" or "What"

Lazy Pineapple said...

Vishal : Thanks :) and btw I am a woman :P

Mohan : Thanks :) waiting for your post....

Magiceye: You said it friend...absolutely

Darsh: You got to learn blunt speech and use it with such people.

G2: OMG...that is quite bad.....why is it that people want to keep throwing their pearls of wisdom around..

Karan: Seriously WTF...everyone has become a instant Guru these days :P

Sam: Holy S*** , I hope you bashed up that person...so superficial and dumb....

Rajl: You got that right...plain stupid me thinks too..

PNA: I have seen that too...I stay far away from such people...rather ignore them..

Lazy Pineapple said...

The knife: You are sooo lucky that you don't meet such creeps.

Subu: I feel that people can be immature while chatting and even while face to face...it is just that they need to remember to stop judging people..

Anju: Thanks sis :) aah we have discussed about so many such morons...

Journomuse: We have to sit down and have a drink and really discuss about those peole at length :P

Sharmila: Thanks :) sometimes I wonder if this social media is a boon or bane.

Nalini: So true...I wonder about that too...I tried managing friendships but over a period of time...things change.

Jayne: I so totally agree :)

Avdi: not all friends but some of them sure do become a pain in you know where :)

Mr. Stupid: hehe...god save you and give you patience to tolerate your friends.

Lakshmi: Oh gawd....this surely takes the cake...we should start the book with your story :)

Nish: Hmmm maybe or maybe it is that some people have a superiority complex and they are intent on telling others how foolish they are...

Jobo: Welcome to my blog :)
It stands for 'What'.

Kavita M said...

Vinitha, this is why I love reading your blog. I like the way you say in a Bindaas way WTF.

I get those moments too. I have chosen to stay home and take care of the kids. Its a choice I made and am very happy with that. NO REGRETS.

But every now and then I get to hear why I am not working even though I have done my Engineering.
There are people who will tell me to do Babysitting as I am at home or tell me to do threading and waxing for others as I am at home.

Basically they are of the opinion that since I am not working I am just sitting on the couch whole day and doing nothing. They think that I am of no value because I am at home. But I don't care What they think. There have been times where I felt like blasting them off but somehow kept my cool because I don't think we can argue with stupidity. I give them the ROYAL IGNORE. But I know one of these days someone will really get it if they catch me in one of my bad moods.

Love your blog and keep writing.

Chatterbox said...

Annoying and totally irritating are the people who tend to forget their limits. Liberty is so often taken for granted that we so often come across people who say/type anything to pass on their unwanted, un-asked for advise.
No matter how much we try to stay cool or ignore such non-sense advises, there are moments when it is not so simple to just jerk all out of our system.

At such times I find it hard to resist the urge of saying it aloud, "Just shut-up and mind your own business".

Chinkurli said...

You've been tagged :)

Smita said...

You are so so right about pppl changing!!! When I had joined Orkut I was so happy to have re connected with so many old frenz but now I am hardly in touch with 98% of those ppl because I have realised we are different ppl now! In fact I can very easily say that the frenz I have made later in my life are closer to me because they know me as I am now!!!

Those questions are damn irritating!!! But I have become an expert in being moohfat now!! That day a colleague of mine came to my seat and started saying "Why is Aishwarya Rai not having babies (!!!) she is 37. Am sure she doesn't want kids, if she doesn't have them now it will be too late blah blah and more blah!!

I asked her "What's your age my dear?" to which she quoted some no..I asked her "oh u r just a year younger than Aish why are you not having babies?" She was stumped and muttered, you know I have xyz prob. I said that is exactly my point, it is her life and she too might be having a prob who are we to comment on them?" She went away :D

Sadly in India your life can never be personal! Every Tom Dick & Harry feels they own a stake in it and can question you.

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Lazy Pineapple said...

Kavita: Ugh...such disgusting people. I think you should give them right back. Ignoring them sometimes actually does not help...it just makes you feel miserable..I believe in that and now people have stopped asking me about 'why I am not having kids?'. Having a sharp tongue helps many times.

Chinkurli: Thanks :) *Hugs*

Smita: Being a moohfat is the way to be..some people do not understand Silence.They think we agree with them cause we do not retort.

Hahha good you put your colleagues in her place...some people are so judgemental...aaaarghhhh.

Booklover: Welcome to my blog...and thanks :)
I am following you now.

Shilpa said...

At times people can be really creepy.... I too get such questions all the time and I happily make one excuse... Sorry little busy will catch u later... :)

indianhomemaker said...

I think people do it off social networking sites too. A friend had started a new business and wanted me to buy from her and when I said I would like to discuss with my husband first, she reacted the same way. She tried to tell me I needed to buy her stuff immediately to prove I had a mind of my own.

Anirban said...

It is not without reason that we have terms like "chatoo" and phrases like "dimag mat chat"

Lazy Pineapple said...

Shilpa: So true...its better not to break our heads arguing...

IHM: eeks...some people just do not understnad the word 'Boundaries'..

Anirban: hahah your comment is hilarious :) and I agree...

Psych Babbler said...

WTF was exactly my response to both those conversations! In answer to your question whether it's curiosity or plain stupidity --- I'd say plain stupidity. Because if someone is curious, they are definitely more tactful if they are not stupid! :P

BlueMist said...

Gosh. Such Species are everywhere aren't they? Glad I am not alone to face them. Why people can not get a life instead of taking interest in others life ?

Lazy Pineapple said...

PB: Some people have no manners...I guess most people ask these questions because they know we cannot punch them in the face through the computer :)

Bluemist: Welcome to my blog :)
Yep...such species hound all of us and these days everyone's life has become everyone's business.

Rajendra Raikwar said...

Very nice

Sunil Gobbannavar said...

very true, I also had a couple of such incidents, why are other people so judgmental about my life, Sometimes its ok if they have kept in touch all these years & really genuinely care for me & vice-verse to give suggestions, people should realize that suggestions about personal life can be given only when they are asked for, Simply some jump in with their expert advice all the time without knowing the full picture, also when they don't have any rights to interfere.

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