Saturday, 16 January 2010

A Woman's Right to Nag

The other day, I asked hubs a question.

Me: Sweety, do I nag a lot?

Hubs: (A perplexed expression on his face) I am sure, I caught him off guard. I tend to do that most of the times. Not being a novice himself, he recovered quickly and said not at all dear.

To tell you the truth, I was just doing live research for the post...ha

In a relationship between any man and woman, we have already set our stereotypes. A beer drinking, football watching man, who does not give any heed to the woman. A harridan, whose main pleasure is to scream at the man to do chores. We do come across such people in our lives but there are people who have some tricks up their sleeves and do not have to convert their home & hearth into a battleground.

You come to know of each other's likes and dislikes after living together for some years. You might on occasion want to escape from the mountain of housework and chores both of you are putting off. The problem happens when one of the parties has a different idea and timeline for the chore at hand than the other. Usually, it’s the woman who wants the work to be done as soon as possible and the man does not think it is urgent enough. And most of it surrounds housework.
I have experienced it myself, the frantic need to complete the housework as if I was participating in 'Housework Olympics'. I still have remnants of that disease but am slowly getting cured. I think, it’s a natural reaction, as we get over trained by our mothers at a young age ('Beti sasural jaake humari naak mat kat dena, tumko sab kaam aana chahiye'). We have seen our mothers do it and we take it as our Mantra.

Men, on the other hand think we are 'cuckoo' exhibiting such idiosyncrasies. They think it’s a waste of time and energy doing the same things over an over again. Also, they are clueless about our obsession with chores. Folding and putting away washed clothes in a drawer, neatly stacking washed and dried cutlery, folding of bedcovers are such few examples.

Mostly, women have been associated with the term nagging. Why do we Nag?, the following situation will make it clear.

A man and woman are watching TV. A man gets up and goes to the kitchen to make some popcorn. He is not a least bit conscious about the condition of the kitchen platform, the dirty dishes in the sink, and the toys on the floor. He will grab a bag of popcorn, put it in the microwave, pop it and afterwards dump it in a Bowl. He will leave the empty bag on the countertop and come back to the living room. For him, anything other than popcorn is irrelevant at that time.

Now, the woman goes to get a glass of water. She will see the bag of popcorn on the counter, put it trash, she will pick up the toys and put them in their place. Clean up the dirty dishes, wipe the counter clean, by that time, her anger has reached dangerous levels. She thinks the man noticed the dirty dishes and still did not clean them. He saw the mess in the kitchen but avoided doing all the chores. She comes out and starts a verbal clash with the man. She feels that she is the one doing all the chores and feels unappreciated. She feels he deliberately has not done the chores. She starts nagging him to help her around the house.

The man is left confused, he does not understand the reason, why the woman is so upset? She just went to get a glass of water, right? Then why is she screaming at me?




Another complaint most women have, Men don't listen!!! The reason could be this....

Me: I have invited, X, Y & Z to the party.

Hubs: Hmmm....(busy watching BBC news)

Me: X & Y have confirmed.

Hubs: ok...good

Me: I spoke to Y, she said she just got a call from Z.

Hubs: So is Z coming?

Me: Actually Y said, Z is having some problem with the car and needs to show it to the mechanic. The mechanic will check and let her know what the problem is. Her car is quite old so she needs to get it repaired often.

Hubs: Hmmm...(Channel surfing)

Me: Y said it would be better if she trades it in for a newer model. What do you think?

Hubs: Whaaa? Oh, ok right right...

Me: We should giver Z the number of the Car place we saw the other day.

Hubs: zzzzzzz...already half asleep

Me: You are not even listening to me, you don't love me anymore.

Hubs: Something clicks in his brain. No sweety...I heard everything you said and I love you a lot. So is Z coming?

Me: I dunno, Y said Z will call me and let me know.

So are we at fault or Men actually don't listen?

There have been many scientific studies on this, men not listening, women talking too much and blah blah...

The bottom line is, we are as different as chalk and cheese. Our communications will always be filled with sugar and spice. The unfathomable gap will always remain...only thing we need to do is, that women try to simply their communications with men and men show their appreciation and support for the women.

Do let me know your interesting experiences about nagging and the men in your life not listening to you.

I am ready for your Bouquets and Brickbats people.....

44 comments:

Aniruddha Kherekar said...

A fantastically realistic ~post. Very well narrated.

But still the question you asked me - "Do I nag?" remains unanswered.

I kindda agree with you when you say that men dont listen. What they do is filter out the irrelevant part and listen to the bottomline. The issue is whether Z is coming or not and I have given full attention to it till the end of conversation. :D

Also it is not only between husband and wife. My conversations with my Mom last 25-20 mins max!! And the conversation of a woman (dare I say You?) and her mom last at least 2 Hrs over ISD. I am not saying its good or bad. The point is women talk a bit too much and thats the basic difference between a man and a woman.
Now we call this talkitiveness, blabbering or nagging is another question.

Sanand said...

Interesting, thought provoking post.

anamol said...

Finally, someone(dare i say a lady) admits that women nag!!! So what if its just a few ones or the whole lot, but they all nag... And its not only the woman, there are quite a few men too who do it. Its just that they never ever and never ever will like to admit that they do... So, i tend to think that nagging is not a gender related issue but an attitude of coersion to get someone or somebody to get to do what the nagger wants to be done... Hmmm, Thanks Vinita...

आsHiष खेर्डेकर™ . said...

Sorry, I don't have a man in my life! :P
But anyway...the men i've seen in other's lives are quite like this. :)

Lazy Pineapple said...

Ani : Hubs...you have to answer it...right?

Communication is the most important aspect and men have to remember that for us women not to nag them...to do chores or to share their feelings :)

Sanand : Thanks :)

Anamol: good to see your comment.

I agree, both genders nag only that mean do not accept the fact. Thanks for accepting it :)

Ashish: beta, tumhari abhi umar hi kitni hai...wait till you are in a relationship :)

Aditi said...

Hmm..very true indeed... really men dont listen..!! :-)))

Lazy Pineapple said...

Aditi : Thanks Aditi...

AmitL said...

Err,What was this post all about?

AmitL said...

I mean,I wasn't really listening..err,reading...ROFL...butseriously, nice post...:)

Lazy Pineapple said...

Amit: I bet your wifey has the same complaints and she will agree with me completely :P, Thanks

Shipra said...

god i could really relate to the nagging stuff....hmmmm i dnt nag but i kinda end up fighting wid jazz for reasons we both are not aware of ...after a long n irritating argument he will b like "time please can you first please tell whats the topic?" If I am not in very bad mood i will laugh out n forget the fight....BUT IF am in those scary and witcheous mood....heee heeee haaawww haawww Jazz goes through a mental torture for days together

Lazy Pineapple said...

Ships: Sudhar ja....poor jazzz. Kinda evil of you :)

Lazy Pineapple said...

Ships: Sudhar ja....poor jazzz. Kinda evil of you :)

shikha said...

I often wonder if such stereotypes of men and women are not over-hyped, but reading this post and comments, I'm beginning to believe that perhaps this is the way it works after all. And if so, I come from alien land. Why?

Well, at my home, its exactly the opposite :D. I'm sloppy, I cannot think beyond the immediate task at hand (popcorn i.e), and I am severely accused of not listening to much of the stuff my wonderful spouse says. And he? He cleans up (after me..hehe), has always his eyes on everything around the immediate task, and can be quite a nag :D. Incredible role reversal right? I could have just read this post, reversed the images of who does what, and then nodded in deep agreement. Alas.

Of course, this yet again reaffirms my belief that we two (hubs and I) are meant to be. Just that God screwed up our roles big time ;).

Lazy Pineapple said...

Shikha: Maybe the age gap between you and your hubs is significant and hence he spoils you. As for me, both of us are of the same age. Maybe, this makes a difference or it can be the number of years you have been married. I have hit a decade this December :)

Anonymous said...

Lovely post..d popcorn incident was on d dot i say!!!:)

Witty Jester said...

So true,complements my post beautifully :)

zephyr said...

That was bang on target! I should know, me being the Cyber Nag and all! :) We don't nag, but what we ask for sounds like nagging, since men don't listen the first time! looooong years of experience dearie:)

Swathi Pradeep said...

Nice post!
Read the book,"Men are from Mars,Women from Venus" by John Gray.
Its an excellent book describing why men and women behave differently for different situations

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Anonymous said...

i used to nag. I "nagged" when something disrespectful was being done --i.e. if my boyfriend left his clothes all over my floor or said something disrespectful to me.

But come to think of it, i think the whole nagging thing is a total double standard because men "nag" WAY more than women. All the guys ive known have this whiny tone of voice when theyre trying to convince their woman to shave daily, cook more, pay more attention to him, do this or do that. They are extremely demanding and naggy, only because they're MEN, theyre totally cut breaks, and instead of being called ANNOYING, theyre just called MEN.

However, in my current jaded and careless stage of life, I dont nag anymore. I dont nag anymore because i dont give a shit. I am dating now and I used to try to "negotiate" more (which i guess in male terms is nagging). Like I used to ask someone why they hadn't called. Now I dont. If a guy doesnt call me for two days, I dont call him for four. If a guy wants to put his shoes on my chair, I wont say a thing but I also will take them off the chair and put them by the garbage can. If the garbage man takes them oh well. If he takes me to dinner and nags me for having gained a pound or two I will go to dinner in sweatpants.

All those years of not wanting to be "nagged" - well, they got what they asked for. I dont nag anymore (which means, I dont ask for anything anymore) I just do what I want. they've turned me into a total bitch.

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susandeborah said...

There was a time when I was labelled a nag and it was a tough time in my life. It wasn't tough because I was labelled . . . it was the outcome of many things. I wrote a passionate post on that long long ago. That men and women are wired differently should be understood by both the parties, I think. Inspite of knowing things also, I resort to nagging. Working on reducing.


Fantastic post.


Joy always,
Susan

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