Monday, 21 September 2009

Close to my heart

Hubby and I will be celebrating our 10th Wedding anniversary this December. It has been a ride full of ups and downs, exploring new cities each year ( hubby had a transferable job), new people to meet , settle down for a brief period and to be uprooted again. I tagged along, albeit with a bit of screaming and cussing.

In spite of moving to different cities, the quintessential nature of an Indian has remained the same. An Indian by nature is an inquisitive person and the intrinsic good nature can be perceived as being nosy. They will never falter while asking you about extremely personal things, right from your salary to your relationship with your in-laws. There is no malice in the way the way we Indians shoot straight questions without missing a beat. Its just a way of showing concern and making the other person feel comfortable.

Sometimes this well practiced art of shooting straight questions can be extremely annoying. Countless number of times I have been at the wrong side of this question " You've been married x years, no kids? why?" . This has been asked by friends, relatives, friends I met on chat after number of years and not to forget nosy aunties.

This question is like a 'Sach ka Samna' question. Damned if I answer, damned if I don't. What will be the best answer to this question?? It's a slippery slope. Here are a few samples of situations I've faced.

Scene 1
Me:We tried but its not happened yet.
Nosy Indian: Did you go a fertility expert?? You should. Don't lose hope. I have a friend whose daughter/ sister tried for 8 years and see now she has twins blah blah blah

Scene 2
Me: I don't care about children. I am happy.
NI: What?? How can you say that?? life is incomplete without children.

Scene 3
Me: Mind your own Business.
NI: Oh!! I am sorry If hurt your feelings. I can understand how frustrating it must be. I will give you the number of this gynecologist blah blah

Scene 4
Me: Hmmmm no answer from me...just a dirty glare.
NI: Hope your in-laws are understanding...

I am sure you must have got the picture by now. I have been asked this question countless times in my life. I have sometimes not been spared even by close friends. They don't mean to be hurtful but frankly it does hurt.

Just like me, an unmarried girl over the age of 25 years will be hounded with questions about marriage. Especially irritating are the people who meet you on chat after a number of years and take it as their birthright to advice you on children and what a loser I am for not having children?
Why is it that we fail to understand boundaries on certain topics?

Some things are restricted and its time people are a little sensitive about others feelings. Few things are close to my heart and I REFUSE to discuss them with the whole world.

p.s: This rant has been festering in my mind for many months. Finally I was bold enough to write it.

12 comments:

Aniruddha Kherekar said...

Hey sweety.. Very well said. Things have not been very different with me either. In a discussion where the topic is whether Lehman bros. being taken over by Barclay's.. POP comes a question.. hey ani. Any news? what are you upto, why no kids yet? You know its getting too late which is not so good, you know..... on and on and on..

However annoying this is, heart in heart I know.. I am happy taking care of the only baby in the family.. :P

Lazy Pineapple said...

awww ani that's so sweet of u :)

AmitL said...

Hi,LP-I finally got to your blog(was too tired,kal)
OMG,ten years?And, I thought u're close to 1-3 yrs(the 'just newly wed kinds..now,if that's not a compliment, what is?)Maybe it's the display pics that led me to believe that*muses*)..
---
It'd be fun to read about your experiences in all these new cities-have they been around UK,always?(Waise,I can't imagine u screaming or cus*ing..LOL)..
----
Quintessential,inquisitive nature of an Indian-nicely put,instead of saying nosy parkers...:)
But,yes,Indians are straight shooters where such queries are concerned.You know what irks me?Not such questions,or,the answers-it's the fact that the replies are then used to gossip with other people.Arghhh!!!
---
Arre,u needn't get so flustered-try this answer next time the kiddie question comes"Arre,abhi to hamaari umar hi kya hai?" and burst out laughing.
---
TC,pal!

Lazy Pineapple said...

Amit: That was the best compliment ever :) little confused about the display pics u mentioned.

Yeah Indians can be a pain in the butt..especially the gossiping. Waise the screaming n cussing part was for added effect :).

Lots of funny and horrible experiences...they will be coming up soon in my blogs.

Cynic in Wonderland said...

arre muchly happiness on decade.

and have JUST finished a rant on nosy indians and baby questions. hehe. there was a beautiful reliance ad on "how indians like to give advise" - essentially, once prices drop, advise shoots up. very tongue in cheeck.

AmitL said...

Display pics-as in, yours on gtalk and ur hubby's in the comments..:)
--
Haha-I knew u weren't the cussing type..so there!My intuition's usually right.

Lazy Pineapple said...

cynic: will check the ad of reliance. I have commented on ur baby rant blog.

Amit : Amit well I do the cussing in my mind :) but i do it.

Diwakar Sinha said...

I am too young for this..but i have an uncle who didnt have a child for years and have finally adopted a baby girl..n they are quite happy now
i think I'd do the same if it ever happened to me someday..and would do it quickly

Lazy Pineapple said...

Hi Diwakar..Thanks for your comment. Many congratulations to your uncle for adopting a girl :) and kudos to your attitude.

Shipra said...

Hey Vinni......

Well written blog...
N I know I have bugged you on this too initially... I guess thats the Indian mentality as u have written...But plz dnt get anti people who ask you dis for the first time coz am sure none of dem asks to hurt u... Its out of sheer concern......

Shipra said...

Hey Vinni......

Well written blog...
N I know I have bugged you on this too initially... I guess thats the Indian mentality as u have written...But plz dnt get anti people who ask you dis for the first time coz am sure none of dem asks to hurt u... Its out of sheer concern......

ggop said...

Shipra - I disagree. These stupid questions out of the blue rarely come from close friends. They typically come from the second/third tier of friends who bump into you after a long time. They really aren't concerned.

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