Wednesday, 12 March 2014

It is not yet goodbye

There have been many times in the past few months, when I had thought of quitting blogging altogether. My last post was nearly 6 months back. Life has been on a tumultuous ride since the past few years and I have been trying to hold on to my sanity, with all my strength. Many times, I did get an itch to write, but it slowly got drowned in the cacophony of stress, anger and disappointments.

Shilpa Garg from "A Rose is a Rose is a Rose" recently showcased my blog on her super successful blog. She wrote sweet and kind words, and I am very thankful to her for sending love and readers my way. Her blog post and the lovely readers were a motivation enough to scratch that WRITING itch. Thanks Shilpa, for prodding me to wake up my blog from its slumber.

My old blog readers have already read about my struggle with infertility and I have openly talked about it in my posts "My experiments with infertility" and "Dealing with infertility" . I wrote of my heartache in this post "A dull ache in my heart" of how I long to be a mother. The point of talking about this right now is that it is exactly one month today, since I have undergone a hysterectomy, to remove my uncooperative uterus and one ovary.

I lost my strength to battle diseases like Adenomyosis and Endometriosis, which had left me crippled physically and mentally, for the past 7 years. I finally gathered my strength to undergo surgery when all other means to get better just did not work anymore. Being in pain everyday not only affected my relationships, it also sapped my confidence and I was always angry with the cards life had dealt me. My quality of life had deteriorated so much that I used to dread house guests, travelling and going out of my house. My bed and my pain medication were my best friends. I avoided social engagements even though I have always loved being around people. Joining a Yoga class was somewhat helpful but did nothing to alleviate the pain.

It has been one month now and I am recuperating and I feel so much better. Even though I am losing hair like a moulting dog, I am not in pain. I might very soon have to go wig hunting, but that hardly matters anymore. Just not having nagging pain in your lower abdomen, legs and back all the time has helped me to be so much more positive about life. Though I get tired easily, I still am in a much better state of mind.

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I am excited about the things I always wanted to pursue and places I wanted to see. I am waiting to get my strength back and am raring to go. The future seems full of possibilities and adventures waiting to unfold. I got a new lease on life and this time, I will live it to the fullest, like I always wanted to.

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