Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Are you listening?

These past few years have changed me as a person. I was someone, who could talk a lot and have a conversation with anyone, on any topic. But now, I am unsure about making conversations and try to listen more rather than speak.

In this entire process of learning to listen more and speak less, I came across a lot of specimens who had some distinct qualities that could be neatly categorised into sections. I too have been a part of some categories at one point of time and so can easily identify the symptoms that plague them. They  all practice the art of listening at different levels.

You too can easily identify them, they are all around us.

1) The Motor Mouth: This class of people can be identified by the endless talk coming out of their mouth. They have a perpetual verbal diarrhoea and cannot keep from talking on all topics right from their cat to their cousin’s aunt’s nephew’s neighbour. They don’t even take a pause to breathe and can comfortably keep talking talking

for hours at end. They have an opinion about each and every topic under the sun. You can get tired of just listening to their endless talk. Such people could care less for what others have to say and are very bad listeners. They have never ever listened to anyone else talk and such people can be really annoying. They will cut you mid sentence and start their own topic with total disregard whether other people are interested in their interests. I have never been a part of this category but am sure hubs will have a different opinion.

 

2) I could care less: These people will have no interest in whatsoever you listening5want to say. They can ignore you totally and have a conversation with someone else sitting next to you a. These people are always in a hurry to move to the next thing and could care less about your opinions and viewpoints. They will rush past from one conversation to another at breakneck speed without taking a pause to listen to anyone. They are the worst people to go to if you have a query or a problem and want them to listen. This category of people will not even pretend to listen to your conversation. Stay far away from such people as they do more harm than help.

 

3) Lost in Wonderland: The people in this category will be day dreaming and lost in thoughts when you are talking to them. 5ccc4_funny-dog-pictures-i-sorry-wad-u-say-i-wasnt-listeningYou can identify them by that dazed look in their eyes and the blank expression on their faces. They will be in their own world and will keep saying yes, right, hmmm at regular intervals just too prove that they are listening.

At the end of your conversation they will end up asking you about the same thing about which you spoke just a few minutes back. These people can be infuriating as they just pretend to be listening to you but are actually lost in thoughts. The ‘Lost in wonderland’ kind have a very short attention span and it is better to seek someone else for advice or suggestions.

 

4) I am just being polite: This category will at least pretend to listen to you albeit out of politeness. Most people you meet for the first time or have just met only a few times, fall in this category. They will have a smile imageson their face and will try to maintain eye contact when you are speaking, just to be polite. In their head, they are actually trying to think what they want to say and deciding on various topics to keep the conversation flowing. On the other hand they might also be thinking of an excuse to escape from a conversation.

I have been in this category many times and I too have thought of ways to escape from a boring conversation or when one person like ‘The Motor mouth’ has captured a conversation and is going on and on about his own life.

 

5) Tell me, I am listening: The people in this category are genuinely interested about what you have to say and will listen to you without any distractions. 1133702_f520Though these people are a rarity in this world full of distractions and the constant hum of voices, there are a few people who will ACTUALLY listen to you and will not just see your lips moving. Many men will say they fall in this category as they hardly ever speak in front of their wives. Even though they do not speak does not mean they are actually doing active listening.

They will not make their own deductions but will wait for the person to finish what he has to say before they say a word. Such people are rare gems and are a comfort to you in tough times or when you just want someone to listen.

 

Listening is an art, which is just like other forms of art, that becomes better with practise. It takes a lot of will power and effort to make your mind to concentrate and listen to someone else speak. Our natural instinct is to share our own story, our own problem or our own achievement. One has to keep aside his own stories and just listen with an open mind and a conscious body language.

just-listen

23 comments:

Bikramjit Mann said...

They do say that sometimes majority of the problems can be solved if someone listens to the other calmly.. you are right in saying listening is a art, but sadly in the ever rushing of life people have lost that art ...


We dont have it any more ..


I think I am a good listener :) well so i think.


Open letter to all -Bikram's

sundar said...

honestly I cannot categorize me as a good listener. As you rightly said the natural instinct to share our own story or experience will put a barricade to allow us become a better listener. Listening is an art and need to be developed with lots and lots of will power. Will try to cultivate it at least now

Lazy Pineapple said...

Yes listening to someone else speak takes a lot of practice...glad to know you are a good listener Bikramjit :)

Lazy Pineapple said...

Hi Sundar, Welcome to my space. I am glad my blog motivated you in the right direction :)

Smita said...

Your post reminds me of the training program I had attended, "7 Habits" and the main thing that the trained told us was that half the time we don't listen to what others are saying. In fact even before they finish their sentence we are ready to judge & say what we want to. Wish ppl started listening to eachother!

Smita Saxena said...

Your post reminds me of the training program I had attended, "7 Habits" and the main thing that the trained told us was that half the time we don't listen to what others are saying. In fact even before they finish their sentence we are ready to judge & say what we want to. Wish ppl started listening to eachother!

bookslifenmore said...

Your post reminds me of the training program I had attended, "7 Habits" and the main thing that the trained told us was that half the time we don't listen to what others are saying. In fact even before they finish their sentence we are ready to judge & say what we want to. Wish ppl started listening to eachother!

L.C. Griffith said...

Great post on listening. I worked with troubled teens and took a course in active listening. You're right, it is a learned skill. That course helped me to be a better listener. I still float away from time to time when a chatty person is droning on and on. Just last week I interrupted someone (the same chatter box) because I couldn't bear another moment on her incessant chatter. I guess I have a lot to still learn;)

Corinne Rodrigues said...

Oh yes, oh yes! Absolutely correct - I loved the pictures you selected too. I must guard against being a poor listener too :)

Vikram Karve said...

Nicely written. Yes, to listen is one of the most difficult things. One has to cultivate this art of listening.

Lazy Pineapple said...

Thanks Vikram :(

Lazy Pineapple said...

Thanks Corinne :)

Lazy Pineapple said...

Did the course help you? Some people can be really bugging when they just cannot stop talking about themselves..

Lazy Pineapple said...

Yes...I believe no one actually cares what others have to say...which is actually sad.

StyleDestino said...

interesting.... :)


www.styledestino.blogspot.com

Jayne said...

What an excellent piece. I'm afraid I've been guilty of a couple of these from time to time, but I'm becoming more aware and doing better. Especially annoying to me are the people who always try to top your problem. You have a headache, they have a brain tumor. You have a flat tire, they have a blown engine. Those types are just exhausting.

zephyr said...

Very true. The best way to be is to keep one's eyes and ears open and the mouth shut, unless one is asked a question. Unfortunately, we all love our voices so much that we think the same is true for others too. Have you heard that a good listener is the best conversationalist? :)

Lazy Pineapple said...

We have all been there ;) People can be like that...many people can only see their own problems and expect others to lend them a shoulder every time..

Lazy Pineapple said...

Yes we all love to hear ourselves speak...
When we listen we know more about the other person and are in a better condition to understand his needs...it is especially true for a salesman to learn this art..

Ash said...

Very, very well written :) you have aptly classified different kinds of listeners! Most of us love to listen, but only to the sound of our own voices :P .... genuine good listeners are a rare breed.

Hegde said...

totally true. I belong to " I am just being polite" category in majority of the cases I guess.

Lazy Pineapple said...

Thanks Ash :) I am trying to learn the art of listening...

Lazy Pineapple said...

Welcome Hegdeji...Yes some people can truly bore you with their stories...

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