Many people congratulated me for being brave to have written about how am dealing with infertility. I believe that just like people who have a hole in their heart or suffer from diabetes, infertility is a disease and there is nothing to be ashamed of being infertile. In 2009,WHO (World Health Organisation) has defined ‘Infertility’ as a disease. This is not self inflicted and can happen to anybody. Why do then people feel ashamed of talking about it?
After reading my post, some friends felt sorry for me and others had an instant advice ‘Have you thought of adoption? ‘. This question makes be furious. Instead of asking me, how I am coping, people have been insensitive and given me their pearls of wisdom. At the moment I am dealing with the reality ‘I can never have my own child’. The wound is too raw and it will take time for it to heal before I can even think of adoption.
I am trying to come to terms with my situation and am fighting hard each day. Some days are harder and I just want to curl up in bed and cry my eyes out and other days I am trying to find an answer. Every where I see, friends are having babies and some their 2nd child. I want to share their happiness but, the ache in my heart refuses to go away. I look at them with envy and anger that, I will never get to experience what they can. When I meet friends, they talk about their child’s achievement and post pictures of their paintings, artwork and music recitals on Facebook. I have nothing to share and I get that hollow feeling at the pit of my stomach.
I do want to feel happy and normal. I want to meet people who know exactly what I am talking about. I want to talk to people who are dealing with being childless and will understand that I am not going crazy and that I am grieving for a lost child. I want to be amongst people who will not judge me for feeling jealous of friends. People who will not be ashamed of talking about infertility and their own struggles of coping with it.
Unfortunately, after scouring the internet, I could not find a single support group in India for people who have struggled with infertility and are childless. Infertility affects nearly 15-20% of married couples in India and the number is growing each day. Many of these people, like me want to approach a support group for counselling to come to terms with our situation. We need a place where we feel a sense of belonging.