Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Hindi Movie Formula- Masala Mix

Most of the Hindi Movies are filled with Clichés. If we watch the first hour of the movie all of us can easily guess the outcome. In fact we can even write the dialogues and the screenplay. This was typical of mainly the movies of yesteryears when the hero was shown to be a man who could do no wrong and the villain was an evil person who was always power hungry and could do no right. The characters were etched out to perform those specific roles.


These days things have changed in Hindi Cinema and you can see a Hero having negative shades in his character. But the habit of tying up the movie in a neat little bundle in which good scores over evil is still the basic formula.


A Hindi movie without some crazy stuff in it will never be enjoyable enough for the viewers. It needs to have some Masala to make it a hit. 


Some Crazy Stuff which a Hindi Movie should have :


1) A chase scene
a)This is a must in every Hindi movie. It could be Hero Chasing the Villain or Villain Chasing the hero or the Police chasing the Hero or Villain. They will perform death defying stunts in the chase scene and blow up a lot of cars on the way.
b)If they are chasing on foot then they will run on a crowded highway with cars and buses passing by, they will push people to make way. The people will move aside but will never call the police.


2) Man of steel
Hero will bear it all in a fight scene. He will take punches to his gut and get beaten up really bad and still not show any pain. But he will wince when the heroine will clean his wounds. He will always be able to walk and even run after getting a hell of a beating or even a whack on the head.


3) Bullet wounds
a) A bullet will always hit the hero in the arm or shoulder and he will fall in the river and wake up in a strange bed and is tended to by an old man who has removed the bullet from his hand. He will have a daughter who will fall in love with the hero.
b) Heroine will take out the bullet and stitch up the wound. 
c) The hero will sport a bandage on his wounds which will always have a Red spot on it.  


4) Musical Genius
a)Heroes or heroines will play an instrument which will be mostly a Guitar with such fluidity that can put Eric Clapton to shame. 
b)They will also sing and dance while playing the Guitar. 
c) Miraculously they do not need to move their fingers at all to play. Just moving their hand as if  scratching the Guitar is good enough.


5) Eye Candy: 
a) Heroines now a days will wear really short clothes with matching accessories and will never have a hair out of place. 
b)Wearing body hugging clothes, showing your cleavage and your belly button is a must. Leather boots in Indian weather is completely fine. 
c)Wearing a sari and a barely there blouse with just a string holding it all together is another must these days.
d) Heroines will  fall in love with the guy who has eve teased them or made suggestive comments.


6) Death: 
a) During the last rites everyone will wear white without fail. A white Kurta-pajama for men and a white salwar suit/sari for women is a must. 


b) Heroines will be without make-up or very less make-up to show their grief.


7) Horror Mania:
a) People in Horror flicks will either be in the jungle or if they are in a house, it will be at a very remote location surrounded by a jungle. 
b) People who know there is a 'Bhoot' (Ghost) or Evil Atma lurking around will continue living there rather than running away. 
c) The Spirit will always enter a woman's body and make her kill people. 
d) There will always be a Sadhu or a woman with mysterious powers who can catch the evil spirit and communicate with it.


8) Songs:
a) There has to be one item number in every movie which is performed by a scantily clad woman in a dance bar or by a village belle in front of a leering crowd.
b) A feet tapping number in a night club or a disco where the leading lady will show her dancing skills without any stage fear.
c) A dream sequence high up in the Alps with snow all around. The heroine again in a chiffon sari and a itsy bitsy blouse whereas the hero will be covered from top to bottom and will  
wear really fantastic Jackets and Sweaters.


D) A sad song in which the heroine will wear black clothes and again will be sans make-up or jewellery. 
e) It will be mostly raining and the lighting will be scant.


8) Anti-Hero: 
The traditional villain no longer in existence since Hero and Heroines have started playing negative roles these days and there are no longer any stereotypes of Villains from the movies of yesteryears. 

a) He will always have the latest gadgets at his disposal. Will be filthy rich and power hungry.
b) He will be a terrorist with his own reason for being one. Mostly he has lost a loved one or is fighting a cause for his people. He will always die in the end and will confess his love for the heroine.
c) The lead actors would be a gang of robbers who would rob a bank/museum for the thrill.


9) The Side-Kick: 
a) He or she will be either a complete fat moron wearing spectacles and ghastly clothes or a smart guy but still less smarter or suave than the lead actors. 




b) They will be hanger-ons and will never make any use of their own brain.
c) Their entire life will revolve around the lead actors. 


10) The comic factor: 
a) A totally over the top character who will have his idiosyncrasies and will try to provide comic relief.
b) Making fun of Homosexuals/about people and their habits from different parts of India e.g. Gujratis and their accent, loud mouth Punjabis, lungi clad south Indians who would be labelled as Madrasis. 


c) Would be shown as a buffoon.


11) Movie Themes: 
a) A love story
b) A war movie 
c) A gangster movie
d) A historic movie
e) A movie based on badlands of Bihar or UP(States in India).
f) A movie about college kids 
g) A movie on Terrorism or bomb attacks
h) A movie on power hungry and money hungry politicians and their nexus with the underworld.
f)  A movie about National Integration.
h) A comedy movie about a simpleton from the village or about the mix-up of identities.


Though most movies will be a combination of some or all of these factors mentioned above. The past few years Hindi Cinema has seen a vast improvement when it comes to storyline and direction.This has led to the creation of  wonderful movies like Rang De Basanti, Lagaan and Swades, which have defied the typical format of Hindi movies. I hope and pray that this trend continues and we get to see more and more innovative Hindi films.

38 comments:

Chatterbox said...

If a movie was made with all those elements put together, trust me it's gonna be a blockbuster for sure. After all you added something for everyone in there :D :D

Are you a huge movie buff LP ??

Tony Single said...

I laughed and laughed when I read this, LP. What you describe could almost be the formula for a Hollywood flick too. It seems that no matter what part of the world we're from, we all are subjected to movies that don't break their formula as often as we'd like! :)

SavvY said...

Hey LP r u planning to write any script for bollywood! If u r then sure u gonna give the scriptwriters a run for their money. . . Seriously nothing is unpredictable in most of the bollywood movies. .

Anjali said...

Very good observations sis. I was laughing loudly :-)

ViShaL said...

Hahaha...that was awesum...I could imagine so many movies from 1980s to 1990s having all of this. Are you planning to make a complete entertainer..'farah khan' ishtyle :)

bollywoodstylediaries said...

LOL!! every word u wrote is soo true!! and surprising thing is we still go back for more:-)

magiceye said...

:) amen

magiceye said...

you forgot to add the dialogue baazi! like

mai tumhare bacchhe ki maa banne waali hoon

bhagwan, aaj tak maine tumse kuch nahin maanga tha

kaminey, kutte, main tumhara khoon pee jaaonga!

:)

Shilpa said...

And you have forgotten the legendary "Ma" character too.... :) I guess you had them in your other post :)

S.R.Ayyangar said...

If one follows these tips, believe me it would be sent for Oscar nomination!(Indian awards are sure to get)

Mr. Stupid said...

Wow. This post wants me to see a Hindi Movie quick. The Man of Steel and Bullet Wounds interest me. The chase scene happens most times when I take my Dog for a walk. His other doggy friends join the chase!

Smiles:)

Purba said...

We many laugh at our brand of filmy ishtyle entertainment, yet Bollywood is India's biggest brand ambassador. In Brussels, this French speaking girl at the restaurant couldn't stop gushing about John Abraham and Shahrukh, the moment she came to know we were from India.

In Egypt they still worship Amitabh Bachchan and Rajnikanth has a huge fan following in Japan!

Of course most of our movies are loud and a colourful mishmash of cliches; yet India loves it's movies the way no other country does.

Purba said...

Of course most Bolly movies are embarrassingly cliche ridden, with tacky sets and tackier costumes. Yet Bollywood continues to our biggest brand ambassador. Amitabh Bachchan is still worshiped in Egypt, Rajnikanth has a huge fan following in Japan. Why we even came across a die hard John Abraham and Shahrukh fan in French speaking Brussels!

And nobody loves their movies the way apnaa Bharat does :))

g2 said...

you forgot one genre... the college movie... both the hero and the heroine are based in Mumbai, at least one of them is pretty pretty rich... They study in St. Xavier's and the whole college looks like the Playboy Mansion! And then they have a farewell party with a lot of drinking and dancing

karan a said...

The above well mentioned points describes the beauty of Bollywood! The original Apna "Bollywood"

What is hindi movie without a song? We are so use to dancing, singing and crying with the actors.

Though I would prefer a cult movie like Dev D or Gulaal. Movie with a substance. "A wednesday" is beautiful, yet it has no songs!

We are becoming more creative... :)

The Jo jita wahi sikandar pic is really refreshing! Cool!

Nish said...

Wow...This is one analysis Mam...Well done, you depicted THE Bollywood in its full glory and do we love it for that!!

That Man of the street thing is too good:)

Samadrita said...

Hahaha very well-written.Well this is why I care to steer clear of most Bollywood flicks these days.
But like Tony said even Hollywood has its habit of churning out mind-bogglingly unreal stuff when it comes to movies.
Some horror movies and C-grade slasher flicks are sure to drive you insane.

Lakshmi rajan said...

(voice messages)

Beep Beep

This is from Yash Raj company... We are trying to reach you to finalize the scipt for our next movie.

Beep... Beep...

Hi.. this is from Sajid Naidiadwala. After our Kambakt Ishq and Housefull movie, I think you have got the perfect script to make the next hatrick movie of the type.. please call us back...

Beep Beep

he he ha ha hu hu .. This is Akshay I need to meet you to finalize a script ...

Beep Beep..

Parth J Dave said...

Hahaha! This was an enjoyable read!

Btw, LP, why don't you make all Indian directors and producers read this post of yours, so that they at least attempt to create ingenious movies? What's say?

Choco said...

Lol! Awesome!
The heroine scantily dressed in the Alps, is something that I have always found quite ludicrous. So glad you pointed it out.:D
PS: Any future plans of script writing for Bollywood?;)

Rajlakshmi said...

hahahaha so true so true/
and the horror movies usually turn into a comedy... i laughed so much while watching Vastushastra :P
enjoyed reading it :D

Shilpa Garg said...

Ha ha ha!! Made for very interesting and fun read. God bless our movies! :)

Lazy Pineapple said...

CB: Yes I am movie buff through and through :)
I am bad at doing movie reviews so never post anything here :P

Tony: So true...even Hollywood has its own cliche's..will do a post on it very soon :)

Savvy: haha I wish..I could write a script..but will surely give it a thought ;)

Anju: Thanks sis :)

Vishal: Oh the movies of Yore had a completely different formula...there is no Maa or the typical Villain saying Sona kahan hai....

Sonali: Well its an addiction and even if it is harmful we still crave for more :P

Magiceye: I am not talking of Movies from the 70's and 80's here..ye to ekdum naya naya movies ka formula hai bhai...:P

Shilpa: Arre Maa is not a central character anymore...

S.R: Welcome to my writing space and thanks for your vote of confidence :P

Mr. Stupid: Oh have you seen any Hindi movies? they are not much different than Hollywood movies.

Purba: Welcome to my Blog and Thanks :)
Oh yes we love to hate our Indian Cinema and still go for more...this post is from a Hindi movie fan, don't let my post make you think otherwise :P

Lazy Pineapple said...

G2: Oh yes I did forget that genre...it is quite and important one and your description is so apt :)

Karan: I am glad you like my post :)

Nish: Thanks and you mean Man of steel, right? :P

Sam: I love Hindi Horror movies...bass dimag nikalo and go and see it...they are damn hilarious :)

LR: If I get an offer to write a script I will definitely make you a part of the movie team...you have boosted my confidence :)

Parth: Aha...so many people are suggesting this..might at as well give a shot at script writing, nahi kya :P

Choco: hehe...those clothes are ridiculous...poor Kajol must be shivering throughtout...
And script writing...hmmm we could make it a joint effort...ek macchar ki Maut :P

Raj: heeh...have you seen Phoonk 2...you must see it...

Shilpa: hehhe true..god bless really...

Aline CineHindi said...

Enjoyed this post. Indian films are made so that we can go to the cinema with whoever and in whatever amount and have something for everyone to enjoy, super entertaining! :-)

only for biz said...

think everything is covered in this one...........i hope this post reaches to some of the directors out ther.....i meant hollywood directors....... :)

THE UNOFFICIAL MINISTRY OF SPORTS said...

as a fellow hindi movie buff.. i want to say: AWESOME!

Nishant Singh said...

I wouldnt watch a hindi movie if it wasn't based on these formulas but then again if it was, I'd make fun of it :P lOl

Lazy Pineapple said...

Aline: Interesting name :) Thanks for dropping by..

Only for biz: Thanks :) welcome to my blog. I wish the same heheh

UMOS: Thanks :) I am glad you liked it..

Nishant: So true...formula to hona hi chahiye...

Sowmya said...

LP - That was funny! Can also add to your list - the rain sequence with the heroine clad in an invisible sari and the death bed scene with Volumes of dialogue interspersed with heavy coughing! Bollywood - love it or hate it, can't live without it:)

Vineet Rajan said...

What happened to grouchy dad of the heroine? Or did i miss it in all the points you mentioned?

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Rinzu Rajan said...

Lol.! Lovely stuff! Ur good at humour!

Lazy Pineapple said...

Thanks Rinzu :) those were the days..I am glad you had fun.

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