Monday, 31 May 2010

Love in Bollywood

Bollywood has epitomised love in all forms through its Movies. 'Pyar', 'Ishq', 'Mohabbat' and of course 'Love' many words for the same emotion. It has defined love in myriad shades from motherly love to passionate love and even violent love. 

Bollywood Movies throughout the decades have used 'Love' as the central theme, one of the most powerful motivators for human actions and emotions. The star crossed lovers and love triangles were one of the main themes of most movies in the era of 70's and 80's. The theme of movies in 90's changed as an effect of Liberalization. Though 'Love' was still a central idea in many movies, the formula changed and now we had obsessed lovers, rich guy/poor gal, NRI love stories and candy coated love themes popping up at an alarming rate.

In Hindi movies each lover had his/her unique way of expressing their love for each other. They may break out into dance and song at the spur of a moment, get drenched in pouring rain or write love letters to each other which are transported through pigeons.

For people who need some inspiration when it comes to matter of the heart, here are some original Ideas about expressing LOVE straight from our Bollywood factory fresh for you.

Movie: Ek Dujhe ke Liye

Carve your Lover's name in need to spend money on expensive Hallmark Gifts and flowers to impress your Lady Love.

Movie: Sholay

Climb on the tallest water tank near her house and proclaim to all around that you are planning to commit suicide as you cannot marry your loved one. In matter of minutes you will have all her relatives eating out of your hands. No need to elope, commit suicide or get married secretly..this is your secret mantra.

Movie: Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge

Men sometimes have an extremely weird sense of humour. If you do not have the courage to say 'I love You', please buy a card which says so instead of horsing around. Men please do not dare to do this in actual is all 'chalta Hai' in Hindi Movie, most women would have definitely punched Raj's nose.

You can also proclaim your love in the 'sarson ka khet' when your sweetheart is out for her morning walk. Break into a song and make her baby run...

Movie: Phool aur Kaante

Only men with a heart of steel should follow this below stunt. It is not for the faint hearted, don't say we did not warn you. A completely unique way to profess your love. Keep in mind that if you lose your footing this will be a straight ticket to an orthopaedic hospital.

Movie: Maine Pyar Kiya

In Bollywood movies, the heroine is a shy creature and it is quite difficult for her to confess her love for the hero. If you are shy just like her, you can use any gathering as a venue for group 'Antakshari' and open your heart to say the three magic words.

Movie: Mughal-e-azam

Very few of us can actually declare our love in front of the whole world. It takes a special kind of courage and a death wish to proclaim your love to the whole world. If you have the courage, more power to you.

Movie: Darr

If you want the girl then behave rationally. Acting like a completely insane obsessed stalker will not make her fall in love with you. Entering her house and talking to her photograph will be a sure shot entry to the loony bin, so watch how you try to enamour the woman you love.

 Any time someone mentions 'Bollywood', the talk quickly moves toward, over the top musicals with clichéd stories, running around trees and breaking out into a song at the spur of the moment.
The portrayal of 'Love in Bollywood' has always been unconventional and eccentric. Though most people cannot understand our love for such movies, we as Indians surely can, after all we are an emotional bunch of people who like our movies full of Masala and exactly how  Veeru said in Sholay- 'Iss story mein emotion hai, drama hai, tragedy hai'.

Sunday, 30 May 2010

Winner of 'You think you are funny? 3.0

Thank you for your entries to the contest. All the entries were hilarious. 

The winner of third edition is 

Psych Babbler: "I'm just going to pretend he did it...everyone thinks he's an idiot anyway!"

More Pics @


 I am so pleased to give away this award to you. Well done.

Thank you all for Participating and hope to see you again in the next round of caption Contest on Wednesday.

Friday, 28 May 2010

Deja Vu

Remember the time when you were little and off you went to Nursery school. It was the time to learn about 'How twinkly the stars were' and about 'Mary's Little Lamb'. We learned them with such enthusiasm. Never a doubt or a quandary about them.

Our generation of kids never asked questions about these Nursery Rhymes. No doubts at all. If the teacher said 'Mary had a little Lamb' then she had one. I had never seen an actual Lamb in my life till I came to UK.

My sudden interest in Nursery rhymes and the reason to blog came after I received a mail from my sister. She is the one with twins aged 3.5years. I receive regular updates from her about their antics. The recent one was quite thought provoking.

It was a nursery rhyme singing session. And this is how it went.

Sis: Jack and Jill went up the Hill.

A(Boy): Why?

Sis: To fetch a pail of water.

B (Girl): Why Mama? They don't have water in the house? what's a pail?

Sis: Um, this is a song. Lets sing it?

A (almost screaming): Nooooo, don't say that.

B: Mama, lets watch Dora.

Sis: Ok, I give up.

They are so perceptive and so practical. Who needs a pail anymore? We have water coming in our homes

These Nursery Rhymes are so antiquated and totally not in tune with today's fast technological growth. A child starts using a computer at the age of 3 and we are still stuck teaching him rhymes written centuries ago. Kids now need new nursery rhymes...mainly I guess talking about technology and computers.

Something which goes like this

Twitter Twitter your'e so cool
You're so great, what a tool!!

My friends know each minute what I do.
They put funny messages, which makes me go Yahoo!!

P.S: This site will give you a history and origins of Nursery Rhymes. 
This is a recycled post :)  one which got tucked away....

Thursday, 27 May 2010

Second Class Rail Travel in India

'Chai Garam', 'Chai Garam' (Hot Tea), Thanda Cold drink (Cool Cold drink) these words bring back memories of train journey in second class compartment of Indian Railways. Train journey in India has always been quite a thrilling affair for me. Right from booking the tickets to catching the train, settling in your allotted berth, the journey itself and finally reaching the destination.

I remember standing in a long line in front of the booking window waiting for my turn to come. This was a time much before ticket booking agents came in to the scene. The constipated  booking clerk chewing Paan who is a master of everyone's fate and the restless crowd standing in the line are just distant memories now.

I have not travelled in an Indian train in almost five years now and miss the constant throb of humanity, the sight sounds and the smells of the railway stations. The clack and clang of turning wheels, the fruit vendors and the cacophony of people hurrying off with their assorted luggage to different destinations.
The snack shops, book shops and people sleeping on the platform awaiting trains for their destination is a common sight on every station.

Added to the noise is constant hum of  someone making unintelligible announcements over the speaker which no one pays attention to.  

Once the train rushes on the platform, the coolies will be the first to jump in to carry the luggage out for the passengers for a fee. You struggle to get inside your Bogie with scores of people pushing you in each every way. You enter the bogie banging your suitcase and dragging your bags in search of your compartment. Finally after locating it you see  that there is no place left to stash your luggage below the lower berth. 

You manage to push and pull other pieces of luggage and squeeze in your suitcase, lock it with a chain to the berth and sit down exhausted even before the journey has started. All through this your nose has not forgotten the buffet of smells hitting your sinuses. If you try to decipher you can smell shit, piss, rotten fruit, sweat, bhajiyas, flowers and incense all thrown together to make a smell which is just so unique to railway stations all over India.

Most times there will be a crying baby in your compartment so you can safely kiss a good night's sleep goodbye. Then you will have a lecherous uncle who will keep his eyes constantly fixed on your face with his mouth slightly ajar. Each time you scan the compartment, he will be sure to be looking at you with a gaze which will make you want to punch his nose. Unfortunately you will have the top Berth and so will he, which will give him the whole night to give you sleazy looks. You're only option is to turn your back and stay put even if the side on which you have slept is numb and dead.

If your companions are Gujaratis then you Lunch time and dinner time are complete tortures since we all know Gujjus carry such amazing food that you will be drooling at their food and looking at the sandwich you have wrapped with total disdain. If you drool sufficiently and give hungry looks the kind people will share their yummy 'Theplas, Farsan and Achar' with  you.

I am always fascinated by the villages and the farms rushing past my window. It always makes me wonder about life of the people who live there. The lush green fields and the farmer pulling a bullock cart gives us a true glimpse of India and that it still resides in our villages. 

As night falls, people start preparing for bed. Shawls and Chaddars (Sheets) are spread on the sticky berth. A bag becomes your pillow. Lights are switched off and the whole train becomes like a peaceful cocoon rocking to the motion of the wheels. You doze in an out of sleep constantly keeping an eye on your luggage.

Morning hails you with a fresh round of smells which you wish you rather forget. You hurry up with your ablutions and are back in your compartment. A chappie selling tea sells you weak tea and you gulp it down to rejuvenate yourself. Another couple of hours and your destination beckons you. Getting down on the platform from the train is equally stressful as it is while entering. Harsh words are heard, there is an urgency to meet your loved ones who have come to pick you up.

At last the train stops, you get down with your luggage. You are not even aware of the smell now....your eyes are searching for your loved ones. You see them and a smile breaks on your face and you start walking towards them.

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

Caption Contest 3

This is a caption contest called 'You think you are funny?'

You think you are funny?  3.0

Please write a caption for the Picture below

More Pics @
Good Luck people.

P.S: For those people who would like to know the rules, please check here.

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Hindi Movie Formula- Masala Mix

Most of the Hindi Movies are filled with Clichés. If we watch the first hour of the movie all of us can easily guess the outcome. In fact we can even write the dialogues and the screenplay. This was typical of mainly the movies of yesteryears when the hero was shown to be a man who could do no wrong and the villain was an evil person who was always power hungry and could do no right. The characters were etched out to perform those specific roles.

These days things have changed in Hindi Cinema and you can see a Hero having negative shades in his character. But the habit of tying up the movie in a neat little bundle in which good scores over evil is still the basic formula.

A Hindi movie without some crazy stuff in it will never be enjoyable enough for the viewers. It needs to have some Masala to make it a hit. 

Some Crazy Stuff which a Hindi Movie should have :

1) A chase scene
a)This is a must in every Hindi movie. It could be Hero Chasing the Villain or Villain Chasing the hero or the Police chasing the Hero or Villain. They will perform death defying stunts in the chase scene and blow up a lot of cars on the way.
b)If they are chasing on foot then they will run on a crowded highway with cars and buses passing by, they will push people to make way. The people will move aside but will never call the police.

2) Man of steel
Hero will bear it all in a fight scene. He will take punches to his gut and get beaten up really bad and still not show any pain. But he will wince when the heroine will clean his wounds. He will always be able to walk and even run after getting a hell of a beating or even a whack on the head.

3) Bullet wounds
a) A bullet will always hit the hero in the arm or shoulder and he will fall in the river and wake up in a strange bed and is tended to by an old man who has removed the bullet from his hand. He will have a daughter who will fall in love with the hero.
b) Heroine will take out the bullet and stitch up the wound. 
c) The hero will sport a bandage on his wounds which will always have a Red spot on it.  

4) Musical Genius
a)Heroes or heroines will play an instrument which will be mostly a Guitar with such fluidity that can put Eric Clapton to shame. 
b)They will also sing and dance while playing the Guitar. 
c) Miraculously they do not need to move their fingers at all to play. Just moving their hand as if  scratching the Guitar is good enough.

5) Eye Candy: 
a) Heroines now a days will wear really short clothes with matching accessories and will never have a hair out of place. 
b)Wearing body hugging clothes, showing your cleavage and your belly button is a must. Leather boots in Indian weather is completely fine. 
c)Wearing a sari and a barely there blouse with just a string holding it all together is another must these days.
d) Heroines will  fall in love with the guy who has eve teased them or made suggestive comments.

6) Death: 
a) During the last rites everyone will wear white without fail. A white Kurta-pajama for men and a white salwar suit/sari for women is a must. 

b) Heroines will be without make-up or very less make-up to show their grief.

7) Horror Mania:
a) People in Horror flicks will either be in the jungle or if they are in a house, it will be at a very remote location surrounded by a jungle. 
b) People who know there is a 'Bhoot' (Ghost) or Evil Atma lurking around will continue living there rather than running away. 
c) The Spirit will always enter a woman's body and make her kill people. 
d) There will always be a Sadhu or a woman with mysterious powers who can catch the evil spirit and communicate with it.

8) Songs:
a) There has to be one item number in every movie which is performed by a scantily clad woman in a dance bar or by a village belle in front of a leering crowd.
b) A feet tapping number in a night club or a disco where the leading lady will show her dancing skills without any stage fear.
c) A dream sequence high up in the Alps with snow all around. The heroine again in a chiffon sari and a itsy bitsy blouse whereas the hero will be covered from top to bottom and will  
wear really fantastic Jackets and Sweaters.

D) A sad song in which the heroine will wear black clothes and again will be sans make-up or jewellery. 
e) It will be mostly raining and the lighting will be scant.

8) Anti-Hero: 
The traditional villain no longer in existence since Hero and Heroines have started playing negative roles these days and there are no longer any stereotypes of Villains from the movies of yesteryears. 

a) He will always have the latest gadgets at his disposal. Will be filthy rich and power hungry.
b) He will be a terrorist with his own reason for being one. Mostly he has lost a loved one or is fighting a cause for his people. He will always die in the end and will confess his love for the heroine.
c) The lead actors would be a gang of robbers who would rob a bank/museum for the thrill.

9) The Side-Kick: 
a) He or she will be either a complete fat moron wearing spectacles and ghastly clothes or a smart guy but still less smarter or suave than the lead actors. 

b) They will be hanger-ons and will never make any use of their own brain.
c) Their entire life will revolve around the lead actors. 

10) The comic factor: 
a) A totally over the top character who will have his idiosyncrasies and will try to provide comic relief.
b) Making fun of Homosexuals/about people and their habits from different parts of India e.g. Gujratis and their accent, loud mouth Punjabis, lungi clad south Indians who would be labelled as Madrasis. 

c) Would be shown as a buffoon.

11) Movie Themes: 
a) A love story
b) A war movie 
c) A gangster movie
d) A historic movie
e) A movie based on badlands of Bihar or UP(States in India).
f) A movie about college kids 
g) A movie on Terrorism or bomb attacks
h) A movie on power hungry and money hungry politicians and their nexus with the underworld.
f)  A movie about National Integration.
h) A comedy movie about a simpleton from the village or about the mix-up of identities.

Though most movies will be a combination of some or all of these factors mentioned above. The past few years Hindi Cinema has seen a vast improvement when it comes to storyline and direction.This has led to the creation of  wonderful movies like Rang De Basanti, Lagaan and Swades, which have defied the typical format of Hindi movies. I hope and pray that this trend continues and we get to see more and more innovative Hindi films.

Sunday, 23 May 2010

Winner of 'You think you are funny? 2.0

Thank you for your entries to the contest. I loved all the entries but I could only choose a few of them.

There are three winners for the second edition of this contest.

Please put your hands together for 

Tikulicious - 'pyar ke side effects '

Sensible Bakwas - 'Damm... I should have listened to mom when 
                                     she told me not to go on a blind date!'

Milana - "I wished for a man whose heart is as pure as a child's
                 but looks like there's none left because this is what I got. "


 I am so pleased to give away this award to you. Well done Fellas!

Thank you all for Participating and hope to see you again in the next round of caption Contest on Wednesday.

P.S: Winners please send me a mail. My mail id is in 'About Me' section.

Friday, 21 May 2010

Love thy neighbour?

"A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn`t climb over it" - Arthur Baer

Do answer this question truthfully: 'How many of you know your neighbours really well?

Frankly, I don't know my neighbour in Lancaster at all. This was not the case when I was back in India. Even though Hubs and I moved houses each year we always introduced ourselves to the neighbours and were on friendly terms with them. Same was the case when someone new moved in as our neighbours. I knew how difficult it was to move houses and a friendly face always made it easier. 

Growing up in Nagpur in India, we knew our neighbours really well and still do. The times were different, people were friendlier and more forthcoming and there was a sense of community which sadly is lacking these days. Then, people trusted each other and were less cynical. Earlier, people in Mumbai were tagged as being not a neighbour friendly group but now all of us living in urban India fall under that group. 

I remember spending so many summer afternoon's holed up at a neighbours place playing carrom or cards with a gang of kids from the neighbourhood. My mother never came to check on me whether I was being bullied. She trusted our neighbours and they  had a free reign in scolding us if we were up-to some mischief. There was no ill will or ego clashes between the elders if we got a big dressing down from our neighbour. 

But not all neighbours can be godsend. Some just belong to the category in the posted sign.

Some of them are just waiting for an opportunity to piss you off. Be it loud music at an unearthly hour or the not acknowledging your existence in this world. They live to drive you crazy. 

Thankfully, I have had decent neighbours in most of the cities barring a few neighbours when I was in Pune. That time our dog Buddy was still with us (he is alive and well and now living with a friend). People were quite unfriendly and behaved as if I was a leper just because I had a dog. It was completely bizarre. 

Then there was a nosy neighbour who wanted to know every aspect of our life. She would always know when we came home, when we went out, what was delivered to our house. I actually felt good because we had a neighbourhood watchdog and so our house was safe from burglars. 

Now, I don't know my neighbours, not that I don't want to know them but because I am not sure if they would take it in a neighbourly spirit if I go knock on their door and say hello. These days most of us think twice before we comment or give advice even to our family and close friends. Most people are touchy and want you to mind your business. In such a situation, I can never guess if it would be rude to speak my mind out and give my honest opinion or zip my lips and keep a distance. 

How do you deal with your neighbours? 
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Thursday, 20 May 2010

Humour in Pictures

They say a picture is worth a thousand words so instead of belting out thousand words I will let the pictures do the talking. Have a great day.

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Caption Contest 2

This is a caption contest called 'You think you are funny?'

I am repeating the rules for new readers.

1) You can send as many entries as you want.
2) Please post your caption in the comment section of this post.
3) The winner will be declared by Sunday.
4) No plagiarism, no racial slurs or insults will be tolerated. That entry will be rejected outright.
5) The decision of the judge (Me) is final :)
6) The winner will receive the Golden Trophy below as a prize, which he/she can proudly display on their websites.

You think you are funny?  2.0

Please write a caption for the Picture below

Good Luck people.

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Monday, 17 May 2010


I looked across the sea of heads as the priest performed the last rites.The scene was sombre, It seemed to me that the entire town was at the graveyard to pay their last respects. I saw my parents dressed in black and looking sad as the rain poured down in sheets.

I had come to find out if he was really dead, to see his body and to make sure that he was buried. I prayed that the nightmares would go away. I had wrestled with them for many months and I wanted them to end. I wanted to feel whole again. I wanted to be my old self, a carefree school student who was worried about just the grades and dating. 

I remember the day it all started. My family was devout Catholic and the church was an important part of out daily life. Father Gregory, the priest of our parish church was a guest at our house many times. He was almost like a part of our family. I had been baptised by him and was also a choir boy at the church. He had been the priest for many years and many families in our neighbourhood including mine, went to him for guidance.

It was Sunday and after the mass, Father Gregory asked me to come in his office. He said he wanted to talk to me. As I went in his office he asked me to shut the door and lock it. He invited me to sit in the chair opposite his desk. He enquired about my school and choir practice. Then he got up and came behind my chair and started rubbing my shoulders. He said "Peter, you are a very gifted singer, I think you are a very special boy". As his hands moved to my chest, I started squirming in my seat. He said "Don't worry son, this is us just being friends, this is all right". 

After some time he said I could go and I left feeling as if I had done something wrong. I could not understand if what had happened was wrong and if I should speak to someone about it. I was ashamed of myself. I knew no one would believe me so I decided to keep quiet. This started happening every week and it made me feel confused. I was scared to share this with anyone. He came to our house regularly and behaved very normally with me in front of everyone. He was the same loving man of god as before.

One day, Father Gregory called me to his house and said he wanted to talk about some bible classes. I was filled with  fear but I could not refuse or my parents would have been angry. I went to his house, he offered me some freshly baked biscuits and hot cocoa. While I was sipping hot cocoa he excused himself and went upstairs. He called out and said "Peter could you come up for a moment". As I hesitantly went upstairs I saw him undressing. He caught me by my hand just as I was ready to run down the stairs. He ran his fingers through my hair and asked me to lay on the bed. After that I was in complete shock and I blanked out. I only remember running out of the house sobbing and with blood on my hands. I was scared and feeling dirty about myself.

I ran to the stream near my house to wash away the blood from my hands. I sat down on a stone and sobbed till I had no more tears left. Suddenly I noticed that it was getting dark and  I had no option but to go home. I washed my face and headed towards home. I reached home and saw my father hurriedly entering the house with my mother standing in the doorway with a grim face. She told me Father Gregory had just died in the hospital. He was stabbed nineteen times and it was suspected that it was a case of robbery gone bad. A parishioner had gone to his house when Father Gregory had failed to appear for evening mass and had found him in a pool of blood. They had rushed him to the hospital but he died on the way.

I could not breathe after I heard this. I went to the bathroom and scrubbed my hands till they were raw. I looked at myself in the mirror as I tried to recall what had happened. I could not remember anything not even stabbing him. 

I will never be the same boy ever again.

P.S: This is a work of fiction. I wrote this story after I saw a documentary 'Sex crimes and the Vatican' by BBC. A horrific account of many victims of child molestation at the hands of Catholic priests. The Catholic church is reeling under the onslaught of such scandals. You  can read more about it here. This is not an attempt to malign any religion or faith. Please read this as a fictional piece.

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