Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Survival - 3

Tracy opened her window and she heard the woman screaming ‘Please save me, I don’t want to die’. Tracy quickly unlocked the doors and gestured the woman to come from the passenger side. The woman ran towards the other side, but before she could open the door, a hand yanked the car door open and pulled Tracy out of the car. Tracy’s scream died in her throat, she heard a woman scream just before her mouth is sealed with a tape and a black cloth fell over her eyes.

Tracy’s hands are tied at the back and she is dragged along roughly. She heard a man’s voice very close to her ears ‘Nosy Bitch, just do as you are told and you will live’. Tracy shivered with horror, everything had happened so fast that she was in a daze. She heard the painful cries of the woman; whose screams are laced with terror. She heard the man say ‘start walking both of you’, being blindfolded it was difficult for her to walk without the fear of falling down. She felt fingers gently grasping her arm and guiding her as she walked.

Tracy was sure it was the woman, who was helping her; she whispered to her “Who is this man? Where is he taking us?” The woman whispered back “He is taking us to hell.” Tracy knew she had to escape before they reached the place called Hell. She thought the best way to do was to take sudden action and catch the captor unawares.

Tracy pretended to stumble and fall down. She quickly sat up, folded her knees, and looped her tied hands in front of her by bringing her feet up and through her hands. She then yanked the black cloth from her face. The sunlight struck her eyes and blinded her for a moment; Tracy blinked her eyes and looked straight into her captor’s eyes. He had piercing grey eyes, brown hair and was quite tall and hefty. She kicked the captor between his legs and screamed to the woman “Run, now.” The man was hurt but not badly and it would not be long before he came after them.

Tracy turned and ran like the wind. She heard the sound of broken twigs behind her. With adrenaline pumping in her whole body, Tracy ran for her life. She wanted to turn back and check if the woman was following her but she was scared to lose her footing. As she ran, the trees started crowding around her, the branches scraping her arms and tearing her top. She stopped for a minute to cut the tape binding her hands by rubbing it across a jagged branch. Even in that bizarre situation, Tracy remembered her dream, the line between dream and reality had blurred.

Tracy heard something whiz past her head, she heard gunfire, and then the woman screamed in agony. Tracy turned back and saw that the woman was not too far away. There was a red stain on her left arm where the bullet had hit her. The man was holding the woman by her hair and the gun was pointing at her. She turned on her feet and started running, she heard the gunfire but Tracy was amongst the trees and the bullet missed her and entered a tree. She ran as fast as her feet could move. She knew if she went back to save the woman, it would turn to be disastrous for both of them. The best way was to get help as fast as she could.

Tracy wanted to catch her breath; she was thirsty and tired after running continuously for more than twenty minutes. She willed her feet to move. She kept running, the trees thinned out and she could hear the sound of cars close by. Relief flooded her body, Tracy burst through the trees and saw that she was on the highway and there were cars passing by. Tracy waved frantically for the cars to stop; her dishevelled appearance was making it difficult. Eventually as a car pulled over, Tracy ran towards the car, the words tumbled out of her mouth at frenetic speed. The man and woman in the car looked at her in disbelief, it all sounded as a part of a movie. They all waited for the police to come and check Tracy’s story.

The police combed the woods with Tracy and with the light fading as evening approached, it was important to move fast. They discovered blood at a spot deep in the woods. The blood trail leads them deeper inside, after walking for a few miles the trail suddenly disappeared. The police dogs picked up the trail and started circling a spot and digging furiously till their paws made scratching noises on a metallic surface.

A trap door in the middle of nowhere was an ominous sign. The police lifted the trap door and found a wooden staircase, which lead to a narrow passage dimly lit by candles. There were wooden doors on both sides of the passage; Tracy followed the policemen into the dungeon and started knocking on doors. There were screams and shouts of women from behind the locked doors.

Tracy woke up with a pounding headache, her body felt bruised and battered. She dragged herself out of the bed, made some coffee, and switched on the television. Her story was playing over all the news channels. She shivered as she remembered the terrified eyes of the women, she had never imagined that her innocent detour in the woods would help to break a ring of human traffickers who abducted women and sold them to suitable buyers across the world.

26 comments:

magiceye said...

what a nightmare!

Anjali said...

Brilliantly written. Very unexpected. :)

Smita said...

Very very well written my dear!! The best part here was the ending wasn't cliched!!! It was great reading a well written & narrated suspense story :)

Keep them coming my dear :)

Phoenixritu said...

Wow! Just wow! You had me spell bound there! Great work

Farila said...

I love the happy ending though the women suffered before being rescued. I was thinking he was Psycho... Good interesting reading.

Chatterbox said...

Superb read :)
I read the whole three parts in one go. Loved the narration and twists you added to this thriller tale.

Keep 'em coming :)

Cheers!!

Meira said...

Good fiction. And i like your header :)

Mr. Stupid said...

Nice writing. It was a gripping story till the end. I thought, all this was again gonna be a dream...:)

Nish said...

Great narration and twists liked it... but i would have liked it even more if this was a part of a ghost story or something spooky!

but that doesnt mean that this attempt was not great :)

Nalini Hebbar said...

what an ending!...Girl, you can spin a yarn!

Lazy Pineapple said...

Magiceye: Hehe I have a taste for the gory, my fiction reflects that.

Anju: Thanks sis:)

Smita: Thanks :) I am glad you liked it...I did not want to end it in the usual way where she gets killed...that would have been predictable.

Ritu: Thanks :) I am glad you liked it.

Farila : Thanks :) its your comment that motivated me to write this last part.

Lazy Pineapple said...

Chatterbox: Oh wow....I am blown away by your comment, thanks dear :)

Meira: Thanks :) welcome to my blog. I am glad you like it.

Mr. Stupid: Thanks :) yeah keeping it as a dream would have been quite cliched nahi kya?

Nish: Oh you are a zombie fan....hmmm maybe I will write a zombie story soon...thanks :)

Nalini: Thanks dear:)

AmitL said...

Great going,LP...nice,unexpected ending..:)

Lazy Pineapple said...

Thanks Amit :)

A New Beginning said...

God!This is a thrilling story!
Brave woman I must say.
Hey I loved the pop up that appears on your blog, welcoming the readers...
Loved your blog its great, youre doing a great job!!:)

http://www.aspaceofonesown.blogspot.com

pravin nair said...

Hi there..loved the plot, quite gripping n different.Keep up the good writing, i say!

www.soulatma.blogspot.com

Mumbai Diva said...

scary. extremely well written.

Lazy Pineapple said...

A new beginning : welcome to my blog :) thank you for your comment :)

Pravin: Thanks :) welcome to my blog...

Mumbai diva: Thanks a lot :)

Lakshmi Rajan said...

Ow! That was quiet gripping! Finished the 3 parts in one go and the pace never dipped :)

*claps*

Gyanban said...

What I liked -

the length.
the pace of narration
the desperation
the final revelation

what could ve been better -

the sentence structuring.
a taut climax.

overall - for me, part 2 was the better piece.

note - there are no right or wrong ways to appreciate a story,everyone has his/her own take on it, so in some sense the only thing that can be critiqued are the technicalities eg. grammatical errors,sentence structure, etc. Rest of it is the readers liking or disliking.one can't control that.

so I can speak for myself,when I say it really doesn't matter if there are 300 bouquets or brickbats...or none at all. ;-)
for whatever it is worth -I think you can be a good writer.

Lazy Pineapple said...

Lakshmi: Thanks :) I am flattered.

Gyanban: Thanks so much for taking time to review my story.

I thought part 1 was the best :)
I am improving my sentence structuring cause I know it gets choppy sometimes.

As you said....it is all very subjective, you don't know who will like and who will hate your story.

I really appreciate your help.

Lazy Pineapple said...

Lakshmi: Thanks :) I am flattered.

Gyanban: Thanks so much for taking time to review my story.

I thought part 1 was the best :)
I am improving my sentence structuring cause I know it gets choppy sometimes.

As you said....it is all very subjective, you don't know who will like and who will hate your story.

I really appreciate your help.

Lazy Pineapple said...

Thanks Amit :)

Lazy Pineapple said...

Magiceye: Hehe I have a taste for the gory, my fiction reflects that.

Anju: Thanks sis:)

Smita: Thanks :) I am glad you liked it...I did not want to end it in the usual way where she gets killed...that would have been predictable.

Ritu: Thanks :) I am glad you liked it.

Farila : Thanks :) its your comment that motivated me to write this last part.

Chatterbox said...

Superb read :)
I read the whole three parts in one go. Loved the narration and twists you added to this thriller tale.

Keep 'em coming :)

Cheers!!

Anjali said...

Brilliantly written. Very unexpected. :)

Post a Comment