Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Gift Of Gab

The pain was unbearable. It was coursing like a knife through her and all she could do was bite her lips and endure it. She kept waiting for relief and prayed feverishly for the end. Suddenly she saw a figure dressed in white moving towards her and she closed her eyes waiting for Salvation. She knew the end was near and was glad for it to get over.

And suddenly the figure spoke 'please open wide', she heard a wrenching sound, blood gushed out and finally the rotten tooth was out.

This is how one feels during a visit to the dentist.

I have a love-hate relationship with the breed called Doctors. Not that I despise them, maybe hate is a strong word. Let's say I am unnerved by them. They are peculiar creatures, if you ask me. I have a strong doubt that along-with medicine they teach doctors, 'How to push the patient over the edge by giving blank expressions, after they ask you questions about your illness'.

Very few people can shake a Doctor to his core and my Mom is one of them. My mother is a talkative lady and she can yap nineteen to dozen without taking a breather. She can shake up any doctor she visits for consultation. She hammers the doctor with so many questions that the poor chap is left perplexed. Her usual conversation goes something like this:

Mom: Doctor I have a sore throat and a bad cold.

Doc:Hmm

Mom: You know I had made that 'Shrikhand' (Sweet Dish) from the left over yoghurt. What to do, it would have gone waste na...so I ate some of that. Is the sore throat because of that?

Doc: Let me see your throat. Shining the torch he inspects her throat, raises his eyebrows a bit and takes his stethoscope.

Mom: I hope it’s nothing serious. I always take care but this time I don't know what happened. I was actually not going to eat but well I ate some...

Doc: Take a deep breath...

Mom: Actually, my ribcage pains if I take deep breaths....is it normal?

Doc: Mrs. Apte....please could you be quiet for some time. Just breathe normally.

Doc: Hmm...Since you are here, let’s check your blood pressure

Mom: Accha, I wanted to know, if the pain in the rib cage is normal, I get really worried. I do this Yoga of 'Baba Ramdev' and he says we have to take deep breaths. If you think it’s not fine then I will stop doing the exercises.

Doc: Let me finish the check-up first.

He starts putting the blood pressure cuff on her arm.

Mom: My B.P. is always normal. I suffer from Insomnia...oh you already know that na....does it affect BP? I think too much....so I cannot sleep....it’s been there for years. To cure that I am doing that Yoga.

Doc: Yes, what were you saying Mrs. Apte? (He had the Stethoscope in his ears the full time my Mom was talking and was saved the ordeal)

Mom: I was saying, whether insomnia affects my B.P. and also about my Yoga?

After a sigh passes his mouth, he gears up to tackle all my mothers’ questions.

Doc: Mrs. Apte, you are in perfect health, there is nothing wrong with you and keep doing that yoga but take short breaths.

Mom: Accha... All is fine na? Do I need to do any more tests? It's always better to be careful, right?

Doc: No need to take any tests. Just gargle with warm salty water and have hot drinks. You will be perfectly fine in a few days.

Mom: OK, if you say so. But, I will come back if I don't feel all right in a few days.

All through the check up the Doctor was quiet but definitely rattled with so many questions from my mother. Her 'Gift of Gab' always manages to do the trick. None of the doctors can withstand the downpour of her questions.

I am sure; he must pray to god for her quick recovery, to escape another interrogation.







12 comments:

Aditi said...

HeHeHe... !!! I was imagining Dr. Kakani and Apte kaku while reading this article.. You wrote so well.. I could imagine the whole scene.. :-))))

Lazy Pineapple said...

heheheh you got it absolutely right Aditi :) OMG

Anjali said...

Sis, Aai is going to kill you ;)

Haha!! Perfectly written!

ggop said...

Tongue in cheek account of poor Aunty's travails! :p

Anonymous said...

well done, pineapple!
Not that I know your mum; but i can relate to her totally. This sounds like my dad :D

Inside my inquisitive mind. said...

hahahahahahhaah it sounds like my mom!!!! She spells Hypochondria with a capital H!!

Lazy Pineapple said...

anju: I plan to read this to her...I hope I survive :)

Gayu: Yeah, mums are a totally diferent species :)

Anon: Thanks for your comment. De lurk my friend so I know your name :)

Malli: are all mums like this?? or ours are spl :P

Kiron Barse said...

is this really your writing ?you are sounding quiet a professional writer.this blog keeps the reader fully absorbed .the doc n mrs apte sound so real!keep it up.
a

Lazy Pineapple said...

Thanks Uncle :) you should read my older posts too.

Mrs. Apte is actually my mom and yes she is somewhat like this..

Kavita Meda said...

I love to read what you write. Today's was hilarious again. I will definitely visit London and take pointers from you.

Lazy Pineapple said...

Thanks Kavita:) glad I motivated you to visit UK.

ggop said...

Tongue in cheek account of poor Aunty's travails! :p

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