Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Leaping Lizards

In a recently conducted survey by 'The sanity of women' Foundation, it has been concluded that 'House Lizards' have again topped the list beating 'Cockroaches' as the top ranking pests to scare the living daylights of women, worldwide.

The survey was carried out by an independent consultant associated with 'Lazy Pineapple'. The survey was conducted when it was found that a phenomenal number of women and some men turned temporarily insane at the sight of a Lizard, crawling on the wall of their homes. Though, the number of men was significantly low, they comprised of nearly 20% of the sample population.

I had always been intrigued by the creature called 'House lizard'.This unpredictable reptile has been my middle sister's nemesis from when she was a moppet. I remember her practically jumping out of her skin at the sight of 'lizzy' on a far off wall. She still has a the same hate relationship with the creature. It used to amuse me to see her screaming hysterically and leaping on the bed to safety as if, 'lizzy' was going to miraculously sprout wings and attack her. I am sure 'lizzy' was equally scared of her since, he knew that his days of peacefully clinging to walls and eating flies in our household, was to come to an end.

My father and I were officially appointed to send 'lizzy' into exile every time he or one of his relatives paid us a visit. We usually did it by shaking a stick or broom near his vicinity and that usually did the trick. Many a times 'Lizzy' became obstinate and refused to relinquish his place and some serious action was needed.

Even after marriage, I have still retained my post. Hubs has the same hate relationship with 'lizzy' and I am left to do the dirty work. Ma-in-law is just short of fainting at the sight of 'lizzy'. She is always on the lookout for new products in the market which will fortify her apartment against 'lizzy'. The usual scene is Hubs and Ma-in-law standing atop a chair and giving me encouragement and directions about how to make 'lizzy' go away.

I admit, I myself do get queasy sometimes when 'Lizzy' suddenly decides to change direction and starts moving in my direction when I am trying to make him run for his life.

I have seen many people just start shivering at the sight of 'Lizards'. It must be the most hated and feared household pest in the entire world. There have been many innovative ideas to get rid of 'Lizards' which have made me laugh aloud.

1) Using Peacock Feathers- Apparently Lizards hate peacocks.
2) Using Broken Eggshells- Lizards hate the smell of Eggshells?
3) Adopt a Cat.
4) Invite some Chinese friends over and point out to the luncheon menu on the wall.

If you know of anymore ideas, do send them to me.

Note: 'The Sanity of Women' Foundation is a fictitious organisation. The survey is a figment of my imagination.

Note: I am going to be thrown to the 'Lizards' by hubs and Sis for revealing their secrets.

17 comments:

kavita said...

Thanks for the lizzy suggestions vinni ... i really need it ... it keeps shitting around in my kitchen and i have to clean it all the time ... aarrrgghhh ...

Anjali said...

Beta, I will deal with you when I meet you next.
But well written as always ;)
And such cookie solutions!! Who comes up with them?

Lazy Pineapple said...

Kavita : Hope some work for you....as for the shit, you can only scrub it off...

Anju: hehehhe....Hubby is also a target...very soon he will be starting his own blog and will out all my secrets and phobias....

Anonymous said...

ho ho very neat. I prefer to numb the lizard with a pesticide spray. then beat the life out of the lizard after it has passed out. lastly, disinfect then entire house post the lizard visit. whew thats it!
Revati

Akshay Chavan says - said...

Not happy about this survey! I am very sensitive about "house lizards". Would be shit scared of them until my biology teacher told me that the Indian species of lizards are non poisonous. Talk about our Indian myths!!!!!

Since then, I am very particular about not hurting lizards and am annoyed when anyone does so. Infact, they are helpful because they eat mosquitoes and flies. So next time you see a "house lizard", please don't kill it as it is there to help u :((

Sumit said...

Hehe... nice post once again. I so like your brand of humour. :)

Lazy Pineapple said...

Revati: Aiyyo...you make a complete mincemeat of poor lizzy :) tch tch

Akshay: I have personally never killed a lizard....I usually want lizzy to escape and leave family members alone,so that they can be sane again.

Lazy Pineapple said...

Sumit : Thanks :) Just try to spread some cheer...

AmitL said...

ROFL...I think u'll remember cynic's posts on 'Dizzy Lizzy'..:)Suggestions:

1.U know what we used to do in our earlier house? throw wet cotton balls on the wall..they stick,lizzie thinks' wow-insects' and eats...it gets stuck...and,Gone!!Feels brutal, now, I know.:)

2. Move to a 7th Floor or above apartment...since 10 yrs, we haven't seen a Lizzie here...nor a mousie..nor cats nor monkeys nor cockroaches...touchwood. No idea how mosquitoes come up..maybe in the elevator..they'd be too tired to fly up.

Shipra said...

heeeeee it was funny...I found d word lizzy so cute for a moment it made the lizard sound a cute lil reptile...N trust me even i am the lucky vijeta for shooing the lizards out of site.... :D

Lazy Pineapple said...

Amit: I have not read Cyn's Post.I like your 1st suggestion. The lizzies have figured how to go above 7 floors :)

Shipra : Glad you like it :)

Kavita Meda said...

Vinitha,

Loved to read your post. Everyday I wait to see if you have written something new. Keep it up and we will make it a big party when you hit 1000.

Love
Kavita Meda

Lazy Pineapple said...

Kavita : Awww thanks for your wishes and I am really flattered :) I will try to write everyday once my Laptop is back :)

Paromita Sinha said...

haha... yes i know how very true.. as for me.. i once thought that maybe i should try and love "lizzy" .. it was summer and if i amnt wrong was in school. Remember sitting close to the cooler on the floor and there Ms Lizzy in Black comes calling. Since we are supposed to love one and all, i too tried to tell myself.. i love her i love u for a while, till i realised much as i force myself, i cannot quite love her...
but since then its been a peaceful relationship.. a realisation.. one cant love. one neednt hate;)) a great spiritual experience lizzy taught me.. in earnest :)

Lazy Pineapple said...

Paromita : Good to see you here. Now lizzy can crawl peacefully on your wall.....and spirituality through Lizzy wow....

Anjali said...

Paro: Haha!! Lizzy made you all spiritual huh? Who would have thought!! :D

Shipra said...

heeeeee it was funny...I found d word lizzy so cute for a moment it made the lizard sound a cute lil reptile...N trust me even i am the lucky vijeta for shooing the lizards out of site.... :D

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