Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Till Death do us part

In spite of the title sounding so ominous most of you must have guessed. I am talking about marriage and that too specifically arranged marriages. Recently, a few of my friends have decided to venture on this well trodden path and the experiences that they shared with me prompted me into putting this post.

Even though the trend is more towards love marriages now a days, there are many who go by the age old routine of getting hooked the traditional way. Parents of the prospective brides and grooms have become quite lenient with the 'Ladki/Ladka dekhna routine'. Gone are the days when, if the grooms family come to meet the family of prospective bride, the bride is not inspected as a piece of furniture or like a cattle whose qualities and virtues have to be spelled out in bold.

Now, the girl and the boy are both given an opportunity to chat, go out and talk to each other at length to find out if their attitudes match and whether they like each other or not. Since the advent of Internet, Matrimonial sites are doing brisk business. The task of matchmaking which was earlier performed by relatives and friends has been replaced. Its refreshing to parents changing their stance and gradually changing with the times.

A new trend is also becoming very common, love-cum arranged marriages. Here the boy and the girl decide to get married and the families are also giving their support whole hearted. This seems like a win-win situation.

Personally, I am all for this love-cum arranged marriages. I have never been a fan of arranged marriage in spite of my parents having been married that way.It is such a tough task to choose your life partner in just two or three meetings. That too when both are at their best behaviour and trying hard to impress each other. You have to make adjustments in every marriage be it love or arranged but in a love marriage you are ready for compromises.

I know that everyone cannot have a love marriage and they choose to have their parents find the right match. It must be a tough task to choose someone without knowing him/her well and to decide to spend your entire life with them. Thankfully I never had to go through that experience. How do you decide?? What criteria to look for? Which people to avoid?? Are you taking the right decision?? Is that the right family for me?? the list is endless.

The age old question remains When do you know you have found the right person as your life partner??

I have a sincere admiration for the people who have the courage to embark on such a difficult journey. And for people who want to have a glimpse of what I am saying, please go and see the movie 'Just Married'.

21 comments:

Kadambari said...

Ahh! The usual analysis. I agree with the win-win situation in case of love come arranged. A number of weddings happening that way nowadays. And most parents are kinda relieved of having spared the nightmares of bride/ groom hunting process. :)

Cynic in Wonderland said...

i dont know - whichever way it is, marriage is hard work. i look at friends who have had love marriages - lived in and then got married and its still been as easy or tough as others who got into arranged.

J said...

Love or arranged, you can never find the right/perfect person. Of course, that depends on one's own definition of 'perfect'

Aquarius said...

Kadambari- Yeah so true...i think the trend is changing quite rapidly now a days.

Cynic: Yes its hardwork I agree but atleast in a love marriage you enter into matrimony with your eyes open. You are aware of what to expect. Maintaining a harmonious marriage is something else all together.

j: True in some cases...but human being is never satisfied with what he has, don't u think :)

Aniruddha Kherekar said...

There are some experiences that a person has to have at least once in a life time. I feel going to see a girl in a completely traditional way (with aaloo poha and chai) is one of them and I am sorry that I missed out on this in my life. I so much wanted to have that experience which is so much talked about.

And having said this, I know that now I am going to get a BIG lecture on the male dominated society and all........ :(

Kaustubh said...

Some actor (probably the one who had borne the brunt of both!) had said:

"It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs. Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered"

But you touched a 'delicate' topic...and now I'm forced to write on this...in my blog :)

Aquarius said...

Ani- You could have done that even after marraige. I would have gladly tagged along just for the experience :)

ahh Kaustubh..I am sure that actor must be married not less than 2-3 times inspite of the way he thinks. Look forward to your post :)

AmitL said...

Hi,Aquarius-hehe-that's a never-ending debate-love v/s arranged marriages..and,there's no definite yes or no to which one is more successful..coz I've seen love marriages which have gone on the rocks and arranged ones which've survived the test of time.I guess,all said and done,the phrase'marriages are made in heaven'remains true-that and,of course,a bit of luck!!:)Maybe you can analyze everyone's comments at the end and see which is more 'popular'. Next topic-is the idea of matching 'janam kundalis' good?

Vyazz said...

I have never given marriage a serious thought (coz its still light years away from me)..
But I agree on the fact that theres no way one can find out about one another in just a couple of meetings. Its complex. But I feel of late, that the demands from one another seems to be increasing. So people are more finicky as far as choosing their life partner goes, scrutinizing every detail.
But yeah, love cum arranged marriage seems quite the better option.

BrownPhantom said...

Funny , the way Indian society is changing; it's in a flux and marriage scenes here are so different from anywhere else in the world. And are u getting any cut from the director of that movie :).

Aquarius said...

Amit- Wow nice idea of janm kundalis. Yeah this is a never ending debate...I have just put up my personal feelings about arranged marriage and how scary the idea seems to me :)

Vyazz : Yes earlier life was simpler and so arranged marriages were much in demand. But with changing times being finicky is playing safer.

Brown Phantom: Hey..nice to see you here. Thanks for your comment and hehehe no unfortunately I am not etting any cut...sab fukat ka advertising :)

MiSh said...

As rightly pointed out by Anirrudh, the experience of going to meet a girl and her family along with your family and have the poha & chai definitely should be experienced :) I've seen that in case of my cousins, etc. It's weird and entertaining both :)

AmitL said...

And,btw,I have seen the movie 'Just Married'- Great fun-the movie, I mean!!ROFL...and, you'll never guess who with!!

Aquarius said...

Mihir: I THink you are definitely interested in going the arranged marriage way :)

Amit: Well well I am curious. Spill it out :) whom did you see it with

harshavardhini said...

Honestly I can't ever imagine myself in a situation like an arranged marriage!!! I know my parents had an arranged marriage and they are happy but that was a different era altogether. I hope I find someone for myself on my own soon. Else arranged marriage will be the only option left!!! :(

AmitL said...

ROFL- you'll never guess..one try,though-and,it was not wifey or GF..:)

Aquarius said...

Harya : Mai bhawan se prarthana karungi...that you get someone real soon :)

Amit : I am guessing it was with your dad :)

Rashmi said...

Hey, a good one :) btw do read my blog wherein i've written something on arranged marriage with the title "criteria's of arranged marriage"

Lazy Pineapple said...

thanks Rashmi...good of you to drop in. I will surely go and check your blog :)

ggop said...

Hey - watching this movie. Wondering why Fardeen is such a sweetheart and Eshaa is so cold. Hopefully the plot will unfold..(yawn!)

MiSh said...

As rightly pointed out by Anirrudh, the experience of going to meet a girl and her family along with your family and have the poha & chai definitely should be experienced :) I've seen that in case of my cousins, etc. It's weird and entertaining both :)

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