Sunday, 29 March 2009

5 Things you should never do in public





There are times in your life when you could actually commit a murder. Some people go out of their way to rub you the wrong way or sometimes they manage to do it just by being themselves.

Here are a few of them.

1) Spitting in Public :

There are actually 3 types of Spitters

a) Casual Spitter : This one cares about no one and just spits because of habit and just because he wants his mouth to work for no reason. He will keep spitting the whole day regardless of the necessity of doing so. They are harmless in a sense.

b) Experienced Spitter(ES) :  These are the ones who eat paan, Paan Masala which gives them an opportunity to colour the world. Especially so, when they are travelling in India by a bus and an innocent bystander gets a nice dollop of their colourful spit on his clothes and gets coloured regardless of whether its Holi or not. 

He is actually like a painter in his own regard and the walls, the road and people's clothes are like a blank canvas to him, itching him to colour them Red and with what precise aim. They are practised spitters and will do so whenever they have an opportunity to display their hidden talents.

c) Specialist Spitter : Their technique is to reach out into the depths of their being and make a lot of efforts to bring out a gob of Phlegm (Wyack). They take intense pleasure in making noises (akin to a car engine when its refusing to start) and out comes a chunk of green which they spit out.

2) Urinating in Public : I can understand that nature calls have hit most of us at odd times and odd places, but there is something called as holding it in or rather finding a private place to relieve yourself. 

Who wants to step in puddles of urine on the sidewalk. Also when you are happily walking on the road and suddenly you get exposed to frontal nudity you want to run like hell or beat up that ass then and there.

3) Digging your nose: This is a complete no no for all adults. I can understand children indulging themselves in this hobby but why should it fascinate a grown up is beyond me. 

I have seen adults do this in public without a care in the world and with full concentration. It is as if they are panning for gold or digging diamonds from a mine. Once they hit jackpot, out comes the treasure and it is meticulously rolled into balls and I stopped looking after that.

I have seen an entirely new breed in the
UK. They follow the same principles of digging till making balls. After that, I've seen so many of them lapping it up as if it is nectar (Gross). I feel like saying this to them 'If you lack certain vitamins, there are ample varieties available at the pharmacy. You do not need to be such a miser to eat your own excretement. Remember we are not ANIMALS!!!'.

4. Touching Yourself: They are especially men (I am not doing any discrimation). They will ambush an unsuspecting public by suddenly touching themselves for no reason whatsoever. If any adjustments need to be done please do so in the privacy of your home. We do not want to turn red with embarrasment when you are in a mood to play around. Neither do we find this certain type of action arousing if there has been any miscommunication on our part.

5. Ladies there is a thing called a Purse :  This category thinks purses are useless and a sheer waste of money. Who needs one when you can actually make good use of your undergarment. These women use their undergarment for holding keys, money, handkercheifs and what not. An unsuspecting bhaji wala (Vegetable Vendor) is usually a victim of these women. After buying the vegetables they just whip their hands inside their blouses to bring out the cash. If all of us start doing that then very shortly brands like 'Leiber', 'Dior' and 'Prada' will have to close down their shops and start designing 'Bras with wallets'.

There are many more things which are a complete no-no when you are in Public. The length of this list is endless as more people commit innovative faux pas.



27 comments:

ggop said...

You should seriously consider publishing some of your musings in the Sunday newspaper variety section!

Aquarius said...

Thanks Gayu....your comment has made my day!!!!

Sauron said...

Each habit listed is more disgusting than the other. But, I'm particularly repelled by people urinating in public.

My friends didn't back me up, but I had planned to go on a drive on Delhi's MG road with a camera. I intended to call out to each such creature, and click the moment of surprise. Would still like to do it sometime...

Aquarius said...

Yep sauron...I guess that would have taught them a lesson...but also it would have been a sheer waste of time and effort...some people will never learn

Jagjit said...

Lol @ Ladies there is a thing called a Purse. Beautifully captured the image of colorful India. Although I disagree on the 'touch yourself' part. If you need an adjustment, you really can't wait to reach home to do it :) sometimes it becomes necessary :P

Aquarius said...

Thanks Jagjit for your comment. For the touch yourself part I meant...please find some privacy to do it...you do not have to flaunt it in everyones face. Its revolting.

mobilestore said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AmitL said...

Hehe...Aquarius-those are some of my pet peeves,too--specially the first one,spitting in public-arghh!!Each time I return to Baroda,it's one thing I dread-the paan spitters-anywhere,everywhere...u're enjoying your walk and suddenly-spurrrrt from the guy ahead who turns his head 90 degrees and...arghh!!
---
The rest of it--grin grin...a big groan at the nose diggers description.

Nice post!!

Aquarius said...

Hi Amit - I have been splattered really nicely by pan spitting chap and I could not even scream at him because he was in a autorickshaw and just zoomed off....really sick!!

Vyazz said...

Fortunately I am so oblivious to all that goes around me (It pays to be absent minded), that I hardly notice much. Nevertheless, the part of people touching themselves has caught my eye a number of times and that totally grosses me out!!

Aquarius said...

Thanks vyzz....for dropping in...

Shipra said...

Ewwwwww....U made me imagine all of it...But it was hillarious.....Good goin am lovin all ya write ups

Sweet Nothings!!! said...

its fun to read your observation..and specially the purse and spitting ...
Just remembered seeing my colleague digging out the treasure ..umhh gross.
People would never change..
LOlsss.

Aquarius said...

Hi Sweet Nothings....Thanks for dropping in and again eeew for the females who do that...

Aquarius said...

Ships : That was the motive all along, making u imagine these awful habits...hehehhe

Aniruddha Kherekar said...

Now this is a candid camera session, nicely captured!!

a huge lol for the nose digging... Even i have witnessed the same in UK buses where people love to keep the buses clean by consuming the stuff themselves!! Yukkkkk

Inside my inquisitive mind. said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Vini!! I remember a certain someone in IMS who grossed me out with his mucus flinging acts. So gross man.....nice topic to write but it gave me visuals and not so ncie ones!!! I still ahve a scrunched nose......

Lazy Pineapple said...

Malli: Who was that? I am so curious...

hahah good i made u feel pukey :P

Lazy Pineapple said...

Malli: Who was that? I am so curious...

hahah good i made u feel pukey :P

Rajlakshmi said...

some of them are so ewwww... its so disgusting to watch them ...
lolzzz at the purse part... ladies should definately be careful :P

Lazy Pineapple said...

Rajlakshmi: I know they definitely make me throw up. And I specially hate women using their Bras as purses...wyack

Lazy Pineapple said...

Rajlakshmi: I know they definitely make me throw up. And I specially hate women using their Bras as purses...wyack

Maria said...

Hi,ur post was by far d best of all d entries I'd say.was grinning full time while reading. N lol at d bra wallet usage .u have d sense of humour dat m always searching for in a blg.not too seriuos,no fundas abt politics or capitalism or nything,just plain normal everyday stuff.keep writing.....:)

Neha said...

nice post..I agree with the categories you have mentioned here..the best thing will be when you can break their nose there and then na..

good luck for the contest :)

Punit Dubey said...

Probably u misunderstood a very common way to apologies if someone touches somebody with one's feet. It's very common in Marathis and Bengalis and too some extent in NorthIndians too. They remember God, touching their heart....:)
(Ref Point 4)

Mahesh Kalaal said...

The narration in nose digging episode is quite hilarious
And yes, Whatever you have described here are the most embarrassing scenarios to be a witness...

Maria said...

I actually found urs way better thn d winning entries..surprised u didnt win!!!:P

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