5 Things you should never do in public

I read somewhere that putting lists on your blog will increase its hit rate and will bring more readers to your blog.....just keeping my fingers crossed and hoping this works...lol

At numerous occasions I have observed these disgusting habits and had been meaning to write about them for a long time. Its a fairly simple list and I know many of you will totally agree with me. Here goes:

1) Spitting in Public :

Why do people have that desire to suddenly start spraying the footpath, road and numerous other places with their internal matter.

There are actually 3 types of Spitters

a) Casual Spitter : This one cares about no one and just spits because of habit and just because he wants his mouth to work for no reason.He will keep spitting the whole day regardless of the necessity of doing so. They are harmless in a sense.

b) Experienced Spitter(ES) : The people who fall into this category are quite a dangerous lot. They are the ones who eat paan(Betel leaf), Paan Masala and lots of other things which gives them an opportunity to colour the world. Especially so, when they are travelling in India by a bus and an innocent bystander gets a nice dollop of their colourful spit on his clothes and gets coloured regardless of whether its Holi (festival of Colours) or not.

The ES is one who takes the burden upon his shoulders of colouring the walls of all buildings in India. He is actually like a painter in his own regard and the walls, the road and people's clothes are like a blank canvas to him, itching him to colour them Red and with what precise aim. They are practised spitters and will do so whenever they have an opportunity to display their hidden talents.

c) Specialist Spitter : This variety of spitter should be the one you should be most careful from. Even though they are in hibernation most of the time they do emerge once in a while and you never ever want to be a victim of this category.

Their technique is to reach out into the depths of their being and make a lot of efforts to bring out a gob of Phlegm (Wyack). In that process there will be a lot of noise and people sitting next to them better beware that you can be an innocent victim of their escapades. They take intense pleasure in making noises (akin to a car engine when its refusing to start) and out comes a chunk of green which they spit out. Sometimes they even wipe it out at places like back rests of bus seats, trolley handles at supermarkets etc... not being bothered of spreading their germs around. I have been seriously wounded by them once and I literally went home and took a hot shower to remove that yucky thing from my hand.

2) Urinating in public : I know much has been said and written about this but things don't change and will never do. I can understand that nature calls have hit most of us at odd times and odd places, but there is something called as holding it in or rather finding a private place to relieve yourself.

Who wants to step in puddles of urine on the sidewalk....spraypainting the walls is not the art we care for. Also when you are happily walking on the road and suddenly you get exposed to frontal nudity you want to run like hell or beat up that ass then and there.

3) Digging your nose: This is a complete no no for all adults. I can understand children indulging themselves in this hobby but why should it fascinate a grown up is beyond me.

I have seen adults do this in public without a care in the world and with full concentration. It is as if they are panning for gold or digging diamonds from a mine. Once they hit jackpot, out comes the treasure and its meticulously rolled into balls and I stopped looking after that so, I dont know what happens to the treasure.

I have seen a entirely new breed in the UK. They follow the same principles of digging till making balls. After that, I've seen so many of them lapping it up as if its is nectar (Gross). I feel like saying this to them 'If you lack certain vitamins, there are ample varieties available at the pharmacy. You do not need to be such a miser to eat your own excretement. Remember we are not ANIMALS!!!'.

4. Touching Yourself: This category of people are abundant in India. I am yet to find this species in UK (Thank God).

They are especially men (I am not doing any discrimation). They will ambush an unsuspecting public by suddenly touching themselves for no reason whatsoever. If any adjustments need to be done please do so in the privacy of your home. We do not want to turn red with embarrasment when you are in a mood to play around. Neither do we find this certain type of action arousing if there has been any miscommunication on our part.

5. Ladies there is a thing called a Purse : I, myself being from the female species get embarrassed by such crass behaviour.

This category thinks purses are useless and a sheer waste of money. Who needs one when you can actually make good use of your undergarment. These women use their undergarment for holding keys, money, handkercheifs and what not. An unsuspecting bhaji wala (Vegetable Vendor) is usually a victim of these women. After buying the vegetables they just whip their hands inside their blouses to bring out the cash. If all of us start doing that then very shortly brands like 'Leiber', 'Dior' and 'Prada' will have to close down their shops and start designing 'Bras with wallets'.

There are many more things which are a complete no-no when you are in Public. The length of this list is endless as more people commit innovative faux pas.

If you have anything else to add to this, your thoughts are welcome.