Monday, 14 July 2008

The 90/10 principle.

Off late I have been a bit stressed out and some pent up feelings of frustration have been coming out in a bad way.In my daily dose of girl talk with my dear friend shipra I poured it all out.She like a good friend sent me this chapter from one of Stephen Covey's Books which helped me think straight so I felt I should put it on my blog.

It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).
What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.
How? ……….By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light. but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let's use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.
What happens next will be determined by how you react.
You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.

After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why? …. Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is “D".
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.
Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them?

WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?
Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.

You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.

The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take outpour frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on.
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.

Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.
The result?
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle.
It CAN change your life!!!

Saturday, 5 July 2008

Marriages are made in Heaven

Are marriages really made in Heaven???

If they are ,then god sure does have a wacky sense of humor.I have seen both arranged marriages and love marriages falling apart. The discussion about if love marriages are better than arranged and vice versa has been discussed enough number of times....lets move on to something else.

Harriet and I were talking about a common friend (an Indian) who will only marry the girl his parents choose for him. It is quite normal for me to hear this but it was quite shocking for Harriet who is a Swede. Her question was "how can he marry someone without knowing her and if he does not love her?", "How can you marry someone you are not passionate about?".

Upon hearing the word "passion" I had flashing images of Bollywood and Hollywood flicks....

Hindi Movie Scene-

Unmarried Hero and heroine just manage one kiss in the entire 3 hrs and sometimes passionate scenes are shown...
Married Hero and Heroine (Poor things) dont even get a kissing scene...

Picture this...

Heroine gets up in the morning takes a bath and gets Bed Chai for her Hubby- Mr. Hero.He will try to pull her in bed with him....she will giggle and say " Chhodo na Koi Dekh Lega"....

Now moving to a English Movie

Hero Heroine kissing is no big deal....passion is quite high....and is mostly shown quite elaborately.
Married Hero & Heroine....I guess they fare better than their Indian Counterparts...they do get to kiss each other...Apart from the movie "Ghost" I do not recall any elaborate passionate scenes between onscreen Married couples.

Coming back to what Harriet said, Passion does play a major part in the western society..but for us...a lifepartner is someone who will understand and walk along with you on the path called Life...

Passion is there but is mostly underplayed...
How long does the passion last...does it mean that once you are no longer passionate about someone you need to move on?? Find someone else you are passionate about...?
What about Love? Love and Passion are not the same thing.
There could be love without the passion. I asked her all these questions...

In India when you marry someone we try to make the relationship last as long as we can...
even if there is no passion...there is friendship and love. And that is what one needs when they turn 70 and have a friend to walk beside them...who understands them.

I feel passion is highly overrated. I do not say that passion is useless. Its important but not so much....its mostly what people imagine will be like as manufactured by Hollywood and Bollywood Flicks.

In Harriet's society the entire cultural setting makes them choose passion as a winning factor whereas my culture lays more stress on having a lasting relationship....the mantra being "till death do us apart".

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